I Felt God’s Love and Built Faith in God in Illness

Meeting the Lord again, I felt extremely happy.

I am 78 years old now and always have headaches and diabetes. In 2005, because of my illness, I began to believe in the Lord. Under God’s protection, my condition improved a little. After two years, a relative preached God’s work in the last days to me. From God’s words, I knew that Almighty God is the return of the Lord Jesus. This time, He comes to do the work of purifying and transforming man completely. And then people who are saved by God will enter His kingdom. Hearing this news, I was immeasurably excited: I never thought I could receive the Lord in my lifetime. If I could be brought by God into His kingdom, that would be great! The joy in my heart couldn’t be described in words. Quickly, I started my church life and fulfilled my duties.

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When sickness happened, my wrong intention in believing in God was revealed.

It was a day in the twelfth lunar month. When I was listening to a hymn of God’s word at home, all of a sudden, I could hardly breathe and felt suffocated inside as if I was about to die. Seeing I was in such a pain, my husband hurried to call my daughters and my sons-in-law. Then they took me to the city hospital immediately.

After I had a thorough check-up in the hospital, the chief resident told me with a serious expression: “Your condition is serious. There are some problems with your heart. You might die at any time, so you have to be hospitalized right now.” His words were like a thunderclap to me: How come I suddenly come down with such a serious disease and even my life is in danger? Since I started believing in Almighty God, I have been fulfilling duties faithfully all along, but why does God not watch over me? If I died, wouldn’t it mean the end of my life of faith in God? Wouldn’t it mean that I would be unable to see the unprecedented beauty of the kingdom and that I would no longer live together with my daughters or my husband? The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. I felt a wave of dreary feeling surging inside me. In my pain, I could do nothing but pray to God repeatedly: “Oh, God, I believe it is out of Your permission that I encounter such a serious disease today. But I don’t understand Your will. Please lead me and guide me.” After praying, I thought of God’s words: “Now you all know that man’s belief in God is not solely for salvation of the soul and welfare of the flesh, nor is it to enrich his life through love of God, and so on. As it stands, if you love God for the sake of welfare of the flesh or momentary pleasure, then even if, in the end, your love for God reaches its peak and you ask for nothing, this love you seek is still an impure love and not pleasing to God. … This kind of love can only maintain the status quo; it cannot attain eternal constancy, nor take root in man. This kind of love is that of a flower which bears no fruit after it has bloomed then withered. In other words, after you have loved God once in such a way and there is no one to lead you on the path ahead, then you will fall. … Those gained by God are those who rebel against Satan and escape from its domain. Such men will be officially numbered among the people of the kingdom. This is how the people of the kingdom come to be. Are you willing to be this kind of person? Are you willing to be gained by God?

Through what God’s words revealed, I came to realize that the purpose of my faith in God was to gain peace and blessings. I recalled that my belief in the Lord Jesus was just for having my diseases cured. When I heard Almighty God’s work of the last days can bring all true believers into God’s kingdom, I actively performed my duty in order to be blessed. When I encountered disease and was in danger of death, I thought my goals couldn’t be achieved, so I complained about God and even reasoned with Him. I thought since I had been expended myself and worked for God, He should bless me and shouldn’t let me encounter such a serious disease. Only then did I see clearly that I did not fulfill my duty sincerely. My goal in believing in God and fulfilling my duty was not to care for God’s will but to gain blessings from Him and enjoy His graces. Even I exerted myself for God, it was also in order to conduct transactions with Him. Believing in God as I did, no matter how outwardly faithful I was, I could not hold up under any kind of examination of the fact and whenever I encountered the smallest difficulties, it was easy for me to fall. My faith in God was just like a beautiful flower which bears no fruit. I thought of what my brothers and sisters once fellowshiped: In the last days, God no longer performs the work of healing the sick and casting out demons that He did in the Age of Grace. Instead, He purifies mankind through judgment and chastisement, trials and refinement. Only people whose corruption has been cleansed can enter into God’s kingdom. Thinking about this, it suddenly became clear in my heart: God knows there are still many impurities within me and they cannot be approved by Him. Today I encounter the illness, there is God’s will, which is to make me see clearly my wrong intentions in believing in God and to purify and change me through this kind of refinement, letting me put aside the unreasonable demands of God and reverse my incorrect perspective of faith, so that I can be qualified to enter the kingdom of God. Only through this matter did I realize that I did not know the work of God and didn’t have reverence and obedience to God. My stature was pitifully small! Thinking of this, my heart was full of self-blame and indebtedness to God.

At the moment of death approaching, God’s words strengthened my faith.

After hospitalization, I did not dare to leave God for even a moment. I felt my heart was closer to God. I remembered these words of God: “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well. If you have but one breath, God will not let you die.” I therefore prayed to God silently: “O, God, today I have this disease and I am a little afraid, but I am willing to entrust myself to You. I believe You are my reliance. Please give me faith so that I can obey Your orchestration and arrangement.”
Over ten days later, I felt very uncomfortable. The feeling was just the same as I had when I was admitted to the hospital. One day, I even suffered from shock. Seeing I was getting steadily worse, my son-in-law transported me to the provincial hospital. After reading my case history form, the experts put me in the intensive care unit and gave me a supply of oxygen. Later, I heard some others said: “Only people who are dying live in this ward. So, it’s also called ‘room of death’.” I thought: “Why the doctors put me in this ward? Am I about to die?” I felt death was approaching me and had an unexplainable sense of dread and unease. In the afternoon, a man was pushed in and after an hour, he was pushed out because he was dead. The moment when I saw he was being pushed out, I felt strongly that I would be the next one. The more I thought, the more I was afraid. I could do nothing but pray to God silently and ask Him to protect my heart. Then, I remembered God’s words: “When Job lost his livestock that filled the mountains and untold masses of wealth, and his body became covered in sore boils, it was because of his faith. When he could hear the voice of Me, Jehovah, and see the glory of Me, Jehovah, it was because of his faith. That Peter could follow Jesus Christ, it was by his faith. That he could be nailed to the cross for My sake and give glorious testimony, it was also by his faith. When John saw the glorious image of the Son of man, it was by his faith. When he saw the vision of the last days, it was all the more by his faith. The reason why the so-called multitudes of the Gentile nations have obtained My revelation, and came to know that I have returned in the flesh to do My work among man, it is also because of their faith. All those who are smitten by My harsh words and yet are solaced by them, and who are saved—have they not done so because of their faith?” “People have received a lot of things through faith. What they receive is not always blessing.… For example, in the case of Job, he received Jehovah’s blessing as well as a scourge through faith. Whether you receive a blessing or suffer a scourge, both are blessed events.

God's word

God’s words gave me faith and I thought of the saints throughout the ages. When facing the trials and refinement that came from God, because of their faith, they acted according to God’s words and finally saw God’s great power. Just like Job, a righteous man, when being tested by God, although his suffering had reached a certain point, he would rather curse himself than complain against God and could maintain his true faith in and fear for God. Eventually, God appeared to him and his faith and love for God were also elevated. Although I was worlds away from the saints, today the work the incarnate God did on me was also in order to invest more faith within me, so that I could see God’s deeds and experience His authority like the saints through this trial. Then I thought of what is recorded in the Bible: Although Lazarus had been dead for four days and already smelled, the Lord Jesus raised him from the dead with just one word. God’s power is too great! Today, my life and death is also controlled by Him and determined by Him. When I thought about this, my heart was much calmer.

Entrusting my life and death to God, I saw God’s wondrous deeds.

My family could not bear to leave me to die in that ward. Two days later, a relative who worked as an intern in the hospital invited specialists and professors there to examine me thoroughly once again. After a consultation, they told us that my illness was the blockage of blood vessels of the heart, which was caused by diabetes, and that three vessels in my heart had been broken. They also said I needed an immediate operation or I might die at any time. But since I’m a diabetic, it was difficult for the wound to heal up if I had the operation and they could not guarantee my disease could be cured.

Consequently, my family transported me to a cardiology hospital for treatment. The results of examination turned out the same. The doctors here also said I needed an operation, which had a very high risk. And after this kind of cardiac disease surgery, the wounds were hard to heal. If the wound did not heal, my condition would get even worse: Because the heart bypass surgery needed some vessels in my thighs, I would be paralyzed for the rest of my life if the operation ended in failure. And it was possible that I would die on the operation table during the surgery. So they asked us to consider it carefully. After hearing the doctor’s words, my daughters and sons-in-law hesitated. They were afraid that if the operation failed, they would lose both me and money. My husband also believes in God, so he knows that people’s life and death are in the palm of God’s hand. He said without hesitation: “Just do what you can. Whether she is in life or in death has nothing to do with you. I am responsible for it.” Then he signed his name on the guarantee and doctors started to prepare for the operation.

After all preparations were made, I was pushed into the operating room. Before the operation I lay on the operation table and thought about the doctors’ words. At that time, a wave of sorrow and pain welled up in my heart once more: If I really become paralyzed, then won’t I be a dead person among the living? My husband is so old yet has to take care of me; won’t I become his burden? Even though I have several daughters, they all have their own families and business; who can take care of me all the time? If things reach that point, I would rather commit suicide. I also thought that I might die alone on the operation table and then I felt even worse in my heart. At this time, I realized that I lost faith in God again. Then I immediately prayed to God and asked Him to protect my heart. After praying, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “Who of the whole of mankind is not cared for in the eyes of the Almighty? Who does not live in the midst of the Almighty’s predestination? Whose birth and death come from their own choices? Does man control his own fate? Many people cry out for death, yet it is far away from them; many people want to be those who are strong in life and fear death, yet unbeknownst to them, the day of their demise draws near, plunging them into the abyss of death; many people look to the skies and sigh deeply; many people cry great, wailing sobs; many people fall amidst trials; and many people become the prisoners of temptation.” It’s true! I believe in God who rules all things. Everyone’s fate is ruled over by the hands of God, and so is mine. Thinking back, although I had a will to bear a testimony for God, when faced with a real test, I was always worried about my own life and death as well as my own future. I was afraid I would die, and I even wanted to kill myself if I got paralyzed. How could that be obeying God’s sovereignty and arrangement? Today, my life and death are determined by God, so I shouldn’t be timid or afraid. Instead, I should have faith in God and entrust my life and death and future to Him. Then I prayed silently: “Oh, God, I am going to have the operation. I believe it is in Your hands. Whether I will die or live, I am willing to submit to Your orchestration and arrangement.” After praying, I felt much more secure. Not long after, I was drugged and lost my consciousness.

After the surgery, I was moved to the ICU for observation. When I woke up, it was a morning two days later. Some patients in the same ward were crying out loudly in pain, and some were groaning continually. But I didn’t feel pain at all. I was clear that it was God’s care and protection for me. I thanked and praised God from the bottom of my heart. That afternoon, my chief physician came and asked me: “Lady, do you have any pain? Is there any other discomfort?” I responded: “Thank you for your concern, I feel good.” After three days, because I had recovered nicely, I was transferred to an ordinary ward. Other patients who didn’t have diabetes needed four to five days for recovering to the point where they could be transferred to ordinary wards, but I was able to eat just after three days. I felt this really was God’s great power and His great love for me.

In the ordinary ward, my husband would read God’s words for me when no one was around. When I recalled what God had done on me, I felt that God’s love for man is so real. Although I was tormented half dead by illness, God was by my side all the time. When I lost faith and became passive and weak time and time again, God led me and guided me with His words, and gave me strength as my strong rear guard so that I could not be afraid at all. When I was willing to turn my heart to God and obey His orchestration and arrangement, not only did the pain in my body reduce a lot, but I also saw God’s wonderful deeds. Today, the incarnate Almighty God doesn’t perform signs or wonders. But when I experienced His words, I could see the power of His words is greater than that of the signs and wonders and also see that His words indeed are the truth and truly can give man life.

In the following days, my wounds healed very quickly. When the patients who had the same operation as me were still unable to move, I could walk outside with my husband’s help. The doctors were all surprised about this. I couldn’t help sighing in my heart: Only God can create this miracle.

After half a month, when I left the hospital, the doctor told me: “There are seven patients having the same illness as you, but only your illness is caused by diabetes. You were the most serious one, but you recovered the fastest. That’s incredible! However, a tumor was found in your pericardium, so you need to come back for re-examination in one month. If the tumor grows, you need to have another operation.” Hearing his words, I thought: I have encountered such a serious illness, yet God does not let me die. I have already seen His authority and had more faith to depend on Him. I will entrust my illness to God and let Him take charge of me. Later, the doctor prescribed some medicine for me and then I went home. After that, because I had seen God’s great deeds in the hospital, I was not constrained by the disease, but instead, I fulfilled my duty actively, sang hymns and praised God with my brothers and sisters every day. Unconsciously, I forgot my illness.

One month later, when I received re-examination in the hospital, the result showed that there was nothing wrong with me and even the tumor had disappeared!

Having experienced a baptism of life, I was more firmly resolved to walk the path ahead.

The winter had passed away and the spring had come. Sitting in the car on my way home, I saw many tall and straight poplar trees, thinking: They are all under God’s rule. After going through the baptism of wind, frost, snow, and rain, they have a more vigorous life and become gritty. Experiencing the illness is just like going through a baptism of life. Now, not only do I achieve a purer love of God, but also my faith in God has increased. It reminded me of God’s words: “God’s life force can prevail over any power; moreover, it exceeds any power. His life is eternal, His power extraordinary, and His life force not easily overwhelmed by any created being or enemy force. The life force of God exists, and shines its brilliant radiance, regardless of time or place. God’s life remains forever unchanged throughout the upheavals of heaven and earth. All things pass away, but God’s life still remains, for God is the source of the existence of all things, and the root of their existence. Man’s life originates from God, the existence of the heaven is because of God, and the existence of the earth stems from the power of God’s life. No object possessed of vitality can transcend the sovereignty of God, and no thing with vigor can break away from the ambit of God’s authority.

I couldn’t help but release a sigh: “The power and authority of God’s words is too great! God used His word to create the heavens and earth and all things. Because of the words of God, all things are living and reproducing generation after generation according to the rules set down by God. Because of the words of God, I gained the faith and daring at the time of life and death, and learned to pray to and worship God in my illness, no longer being constrained by it. Under God’s protection, my illness was miraculously cured. From now on, I vow only to believe in God and fulfill my duty earnestly to repay God’s love and salvation. All the glory be to Almighty God! Amen!

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