What Should We Do If Our Children’s Academic Performance Doesn’t Meet Our Expectation?

Nowadays, most parents care about their children’s academic performance very much. It’s very common for them to send their children to all kinds of tutoring centers or training classes at all costs to get excellent grades. Once the academic result doesn’t live up to parents’ expectation, they will get worked up. I have seen a post from a parent on a forum saying, “This term my daughter’s academic performance rapidly declined and her class ranking slipped all the way. On an impulse, I ranted and raved at her. Looking at her depressed face, I felt for her. I can understand she’s been under a lot of pressure. I wish I hadn’t placed too much importance on her results …”

Why Do Parents Place so Much Importance on Children’s Results? What Would the Impact Be?

From this post, I can feel his helplessness and great expectations of his daughter. Then why do most parents attach great importance to children’s academic achievements? They know they will give children a lot of pressure, and it will easily cause a rift between parents and children, but why they still have been putting pressure on children to get high scores?

One day, I saw a paragraph of words on the Internet. It really hits the nail on the head when it reveals the crux of the problem. It is said, “Is hoping that their children can all become the cream of the crop the right viewpoint to have? People all hope that their children can be successful. Everyone hopes their children can go to a famous university, then take up advanced studies, earn a degree, and afterward stand out among others and gain a firm foothold in society. People all have this viewpoint and all want their children to pursue higher education because of the saying: ‘The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all.’ Furthermore, competition in this modern society is especially intense. If they don’t have a university degree or have a firm foothold in society, making a living becomes a problem in the future. This is everybody’s thinking and point of view. That is, what you learn and what kind of educational background you can achieve will decide your livelihood, your future. In other words, people intend to rely on this thing to survive throughout life, and they see it as especially important. That’s why everyone sees receiving a high-level education and getting into a top university as the number one most important thing for their children” (“Knowing Yourself Requires Knowing Your Deep-rooted Thoughts and Views”).

From these words we can see that, influenced by the view, “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all,” many parents think that if their kids can get an excellent academic performance in school, kids will go to a famous university, pick a nice major and get a good job. Thus, they will have a bright future and a good fate.  As a result, once kids’ results decline, parents are worried to death that their kids’ future will be affected. Naturally, the scores have become a top priority in parents’ eyes. They will get anxious and throw a fit when their kids disappoint their expectations, which harms kids’ mental and physical health seriously. From the cases that happened around us, or on the Internet as well as TV, we can see that many kids are dejected and feel down because of great pressure in study. Gradually, kids keep their parents at arm’s length and get started to rebel against them. What’s worse, some kids will probably commit suicide. Meanwhile, parents are often smitten by deep remorse because of kids’ frustration after they give kids a lecture. In fact, these chain phenomena are all terrible consequences brought about by the fact that people live according to the view, “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all”.

What Should We Do If Our Children’s Academic Performance Doesn’t Meet Our Expectation

Can Academic Results Really Decide One’s Future and Fate?

Then another passage of word caught my eyes, “Some people choose a good major in college and end up finding a satisfactory job after graduation, making a triumphant first stride in the journey of their lives. Some people learn and master many different skills and yet never find a job that suits them or find their position, much less have a career; at the outset of their life journey they find themselves thwarted at every turn, beset by troubles, their prospects dismal and their lives uncertain. Some people apply themselves diligently to their studies, yet narrowly miss all their chances to receive a higher education, and seem fated never to achieve success, their very first aspiration in the journey of their lives dissolving into thin air. Not knowing whether the road ahead is smooth or rocky, they feel for the first time how full of variables human destiny is, and so regard life with hope and dread. Some people, despite not being very well educated, write books and achieve a measure of fame; some, though almost totally illiterate, make money in business and are thereby able to support themselves…. What occupation one chooses, how one makes a living: do people have any control over whether they make a good choice or a bad choice? Do they accord with their desires and decisions? Most people wish they could work less and earn more, not to toil in the sun and rain, dress well, glow and shine everywhere, tower above others, and bring honor to their ancestors. People’s desires are so perfect, but when people take their first steps in the journey of their lives, they gradually come to realize how imperfect human destiny is, and for the first time they truly grasp the fact that, though one can make bold plans for one’s future, though one may harbor audacious fantasies, no one has the ability or the power to realize his or her own dreams, no one is in a position to control his or her own future. There will always be some distance between one’s dreams and the realities that one must confront; things are never as one would like them to be, and faced with such realities people can never achieve satisfaction or contentment. Some people will even go to any length imaginable, will put forth great efforts and make great sacrifices for the sake of their livelihoods and future, in attempt to change their own fate. But in the end, even if they can realize their dreams and desires by means of their own hard work, they can never change their fates, and no matter how doggedly they try they can never exceed what destiny has allotted them. Regardless of differences in ability, IQ, and willpower, people are all equal before fate, which makes no distinction between the great and the small, the high and the low, the exalted and the mean. What occupation one pursues, what one does for a living, and how much wealth one amasses in life are not decided by one’s parents, one’s talents, one’s efforts or one’s ambitions, but are predetermined by the Creator” (“God Himself, the Unique III”).

From these words we can see that, man’s fate is predetermined by the Creator, not decided by anyone or great education. Just as many people around us, they’re not well educated but start an undertaking, living an enviable life. On the other hand, bunch of undergraduates or postgraduates hold a diploma but cannot get an ideal job, even they cannot find a job. Examples like this are countless. Thus, it’s not wise to measure a child’s fate and future only according to cultural knowledge. Not only do kids fail to have a good future, they are actually under a lot of pressure instead of enjoying their lives. Therefore, the fallacy, “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all,” is actually a sinister method by which Satan harms and deceives mankind. Consequently, people don’t believe in God’s sovereignty but project their fates onto their own hands and educational level. As a result, bound by Satan, parents get worked up and kids are under great pressure. They all live without happiness.

Since Children’s Fate Is Not Decided by Results, How Should Parents Treat the Results?

In fact, as our viewpoint has changed, we can obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements and go with the flow. Whether kids’ results are good or bad, we can face it properly. We can lead kids to face failures and setbacks correctly, and sum up the lessons from failures. Furthermore, we can also lead kids to come before God and accept His guidance, so that they can establish a correct outlook on life and value. Then we will no longer worry about our kids’ results.

Wang Yue

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