With Beautiful Hopes for Marriage, I Got Married
I spent my childhood mostly in the quarrels of my parents, so I became weary of this cat-and-dog life. Moreover, I was weary of this kind of marriage and family. Whenever other couples quarreled or fought, I didn’t want to listen or look. I thought to myself: Poverty is not decided by us, but quarrels can be prevented by us. You are already poor but still often quarrel. Aren’t you asking for trouble? Thereupon, a desire arose in my heart: I must find an agreeable partner and manage my own family well, consulting with each other when we meet problems instead of arguing, respecting and tolerating the other and getting along well. We would never be like my parents. With these wonderful hopes for my marriage, I finally got married. I was expecting my family could be harmonious and happy.
Reality Was Different From Dreams—It Was Hard to Get Along With My Wife
However, the dream was beautiful while the reality was cruel. After marriage, many unpleasant things happened between us.
My wife was nine years younger than me, and she was petulant and wished me to pamper and forbear with her in all things. But I thought I was a man and it was I who made money to feed the family, so I should decide everything at home and have the keep and disposal of the money I earned. My wife should take care of kids at home and work around the house. As for other things, she didn’t need to interfere in. As I was a male chauvinist and wanted to have the final say in everything at home, my wife was defiant, often getting angry with me, “You don’t allow me to know how much money you earn, but whenever I spend money, you’re like an inveterate interrogator. Do you regard me as a member of this family?” I also didn’t budge an inch, “The money is earned by me through hard work, so I have a right to know what it is for, no?” As we always argued and got angry with each other, our relationships were more and more tense and beyond control.
The Escalating War at Home Tore Me up
We had a two-room house, where my mother-in-law lived before. After she moved out of it, my wife, without my approval, allowed her nephew to live there. After knowing about that, I was annoyed and thought: I’m the man of the family, but you didn’t consult me first about this. Do you take me seriously? The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. Thereupon, without her approval, I defiantly sold the house to my brother. After learning this, my wife strongly objected. Then we quarreled incessantly and the conflicts escalated from quarrels to silent treatment to separation, and in the end we grew estrangement. My sister-in-law advised me, “Please rescind the agreement on selling house….” But I still stuck to my own way and thought to myself: I shall never be a henpecked man. So I mustn’t retract my words. I will let you know who wears the trousers in this house.
The family conflicts without gun smoke made us both exhausted physically and mentally and extremely miserable. I always thought: Is this the “happy” marriage I’ve been longing for? Is she my “great” partner? Why can’t we get along? And I kept asking myself: Why is all this? My original intention was not like this. Such situations, such results and such a marriage are not what I want. Why do I always argue with my wife? Moreover, I become less and less able to control myself and even get angry in some trifles. It’s often said a day together as husband and wife means endless devotion the rest of your life. But why don’t we have such affections? I was very puzzled about this. In order to escape the family arguments, I barely went home although it was not far from my workplace. In this way, several years passed in a flash.
Came Upon Us—a Turning Point of Our Marriage
One evening, after the workers clocked off, my wife unexpectedly came to where I was staying. On seeing her, I was surprised: What purpose did she come for? Perhaps for kids? However, to my surprise, she said to me pityingly, “You must have suffered a lot away from home. I came to see you.” Her words both surprised and warmed me. Then she went on saying, “Moreover, I have some good news to tell you. I believe in God now. These days, through reading God’s words, I came to understand the reason why we always argued before was that I’m dominated by the satanic corrupt disposition. In the past, I was too willful and always wanted you to listen to me. Once you disagreed with me, I would argue with you, wanting to have a place in the house. Now when I think about it, I feel I’m too irrational. Over the years, I only thought of my feelings but never considered your thoughts. I even always argued and didn’t talk to you, which brought you many pains and made our relationship increasingly tenser. God’s words helped me find the root of our being unable to get along, so I feel I can see many things better and my heart has opened up a lot. This time God comes to do work. Through expressing words, He reveals the truth of how Satan corrupts mankind in order to cleanse man and change their corrupt disposition, save all those who struggle hard under the domain of Satan and lead them to walk out of pains. I hope you can also come before Him to accept His.”
Her sincere attitude moved me a lot, for she had never said such words to me before. Over these years, I really felt tired of this life filled with argument. Now I was almost sixty years old and really wanted to live the rest of my life in happiness. My wife’s words brought me a ray of hope. I felt it was an opportunity, so I couldn’t miss it. If God’s words can really change man, break the tension between us, and make us have less fighting, I will believe in Him with my wife. Then I began to observe her behavior and actions.
The Change in My Wife Moved Me
Later, I came home often. My wife actively cared for me, always shared her innermost thoughts with me and consulted with me on family matters. Moreover, she told me to pray more and rely on God when I met with difficulties in work. Once her several relatives stayed in my home for a few days. At first I entertained them with enthusiasm, but when I found they didn’t go to sleep until past 11 p.m., I felt unhappy and thought: My daughter is about to have exams. You simply have no consideration for others…. Especially one night when I saw my daughter sleeping on the sofa, I was filled with so much rage. After they left, I began to scold my wife, “They simply have no rules. It was already midnight but they still didn’t sleep. Did you remember our daughter is going to have exams a few days later? Did you take me seriously? …” However, to my surprise, regardless of how I vented my displeasure, my wife didn’t argue with me but said calmly, “They hadn’t seen each other for a long time, so they lost track of time. I’ll take care of it later. Don’t be angry about this. Actually I can understand your feeling. You grew up in the quarrels of your parents and now you argued with me. You have lived a painful life. In fact, it’s because of Satan’s trickery that we always quarrel with each other. Satan expects to see us quarrel and fight with each other and live in pain. We can’t fall into its cunning schemes. Let’s read God’s words together.” Her words moved me so much. I never expected: She used to give me tit for tat when I scolded her sternly, but now she actually tolerated and endured my anger and understood me. After believing in God, she has really changed a lot. God’s words can really change man. Then I nodded agreement.
My wife opened up the words of God and read, “In truth, out of the myriad things in God’s creation, man is the lowest. Though he is the master of all things, man is the only one among them that is subject to Satan’s trickery, the only one that falls prey in endless ways to its corruption. Man has never had sovereignty over himself. Most people live in the foul place of Satan, and suffer its derision; it teases them this way and that till they are half alive, enduring every vicissitude, every hardship in the human world. After toying with them, Satan puts an end to their destiny. And so people go through their whole lives in a daze of confusion, never once enjoying the good things that God has prepared for them, but instead being damaged by Satan and left in tatters. Today they have become so enervated and listless that they simply have no inclination to take notice of God’s work.” “Cruel, brutal mankind! The conniving and intrigue, the jostling with each other, the scramble for reputation and fortune, the mutual slaughter—when will it ever end? God has spoken hundreds of thousands of words, yet no one has come to their senses. … How many do not act for the sake of their own interests? How many do not oppress and discriminate against others for the sake of maintaining their own status?”
After reading these words, my wife said, “From God’s words, we can see that after being corrupted by Satan, we mankind are dominated by the arrogant, selfish, and despicable nature and all relationships between people are abnormal. In our dealings with others, we are always self-important and insist on others listening to us. When others disagree with us, we will argue and fight with them and even not talk to them in order that they will be suppressed and submit to us and our own status can be established. Because we both want to be the head of the family, we refuse to obey the other and there is no consideration, love, or toleration between us. How can we possibly get along harmoniously? Over these years, we always fought with each other and held tight to our own thinking. We both wanted to hold power and take control at home and made the other obey and listen to ourselves. Whenever I asked you about your salary, you did not let me know, or brushed me off. I felt very sad and greatly unbalanced in my heart for I thought you didn’t regard me as one member of this family. Thereupon, I always complained that you didn’t take me seriously and wrestled with you in order to make you obey me and admire me. Before I thought the conflicts between us were all caused by you, but now I saw clearly that it’s all because I was dominated by the satanic disposition of unchecked arrogance and megalomania, which caused that I couldn’t get along well with you. Thinking of these years, in order to force you to submit to me, I argued and fought with you, thus making our lives so bitter, tiring, and pitiful. Actually we are both victims and need God’s salvation. I hope you can accept God’s gospel and His salvation.”
After Seeking the Root of the Problem, I Came Before God
After listening to God’s words and the fellowship of my wife, I felt remorseful and pained in my heart. Thinking back on the past years, I always thought I was the master of this family, so I asked her to obey me in all matters and put myself on a pedestal and whatever she did must be approved by me. Once she didn’t act according to my intentions, I would either lose my temper or treat her with cold indifference and even I didn’t talk to her in order to let her submit to me. As a result, our relationship got even worse from endless wrangling to silent treatment to separation. All these was because I was dominated by the satanic corrupt disposition of unchecked arrogance and megalomania. Now my wife didn’t take issue with me, but instead she could put aside years of estrangement and open her heart to communicate with me. It was God’s words that changed her. At that moment, looking at my wife before my eyes, I felt sorry for her, my nose twitching. Although I had no knowledge of God, I was thankful to Him in my heart for it was His words that caused me to find the root of my being unable to get along with my wife and allowed me to see the hope of having a happy marriage. There was no reason not to accept God as my reliance and my Savior.
When I Acted According to God’s Words, My Dream Came True
Afterward, whenever I had time, I would have meetings and read God’s words with my wife. Being watered by the words of God, I felt more and more bright inside and had paths to practice. Then, I saw God’s words saying, “In the dispositions of normal people there is no crookedness or deceitfulness, people have a normal relationship with each other, they do not stand alone, and their lives are neither mediocre nor decadent. So, too, is God exalted among all, His words permeate among man, people live in peace with one another and under the care and protection of God, the earth is filled with harmony, without the interference of Satan, and the glory of God holds the utmost importance among man. Such people are like angels: pure, vibrant, never complaining about God, and devoting all their efforts solely to God’s glory on earth.” From God’s words, I understood that in order to get along with others, people should see things and deal with matters in accordance with God’s words and truly forsake our satanic corrupt disposition. Only in this way can we live in the protection and care of God and not be led by the nose by Satan. Without God’s words in our life, we will rely on a corrupt satanic disposition to live and we can’t have happiness at all. My wife could use her practical living out to witness for God after believing in God. I should also bring God’s words into the real life and learn to open my heart and speak frankly with her according to God’s requirements, and I shouldn’t be a male chauvinist anymore but instead consult with her on everything and have more consideration and care for her. Later I gave my wage card to my wife and allowed her to have the keep and disposal of the money and I didn’t ask about it anymore. Whenever we met with some difficulties and had different views, we wouldtogether, seek the truth and principles in His words, and allow as the head of our family.
When I practiced according to God’s requirements, I tasted the sweetness. Now in my family there is no quarrels but much laughter. I feel the depression and pain in my heart gradually disappear and are replaced by peace, joy, freedom and liberation. Isn’t it the happy marriage I’ve sought hard for many years? Now my dream finally came true. This is really the grace and blessing of God.
Thank God! All the glory be to God. Amen!
By Wang Gang
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