Getting Back My Lost Love

Loving Each Other and Living Happily

I had a happy family. Though we didn’t live an abundant life, my husband and I loved each other. Every day when he came home from work, he always showed great concern for me and treated me with tremendous love. If we had time, we would go shopping in the markets or visit our parents. My colleagues and friends all said, “You’ve been married for so many years, yet you still cling to each other. I do envy you.” At these compliments, I was very flattered inside, hoping that this kind of life would last long.

Cyber Romance Penetrating, My Husband Betrayed Me

Later, we bought a computer. After that, my husband began to surf the Internet and chat on QQ. In the beginning he chatted before me and also I had no objection to him chatting. I had often said before that our love was just like a solid tripod, so I believed that no one could bring her love between us. But I found afterward that his speech and behavior changed somewhat. After returning from work, he would go straight to the computer, as if I did not exist, which made me feel left out in the cold. Whenever it was midnight, I could frequently hear his QQ beeping with messages. And the noise was like a needle stinging my heart, making me sick and unable to sleep well. One day, he went to work. I turned on the computer and accidentally logged into his QQ account. Suddenly, one of his QQ friends sent a message. I knew they addressed each other as brother and sister in ordinary times, so I answered her message, calling her sister. Unexpectedly, she replied, “Oh, didn’t you call me baby just now?” I was stunned at the word “baby.” How could my husband call others that? They were already on so sufficiently intimate terms with each other. I had always thought my husband was loyal to me and that I was his only beloved. How could he cheat on me? He just surfed the Internet for a few months but was fascinated by it. To think our feelings of ten years was undermined by cyber romance so easily.

Trying Everything to Win Back My Family

After my husband returned from work, I cried, asking him, “It’s really unexpected. I trusted you so much, but you call others baby. If you like her, I’ll divorce you to make way for her; or else you remove her from your friends list right now! Never contact her anymore.” He apologized in tears, “I’m sorry, wife. I was wrong, I’ll never contact her again. I’ll unfriend her right now.” Then he opened the computer and dropped her as a QQ friend. After that, he was so grieved that he shed tears. I was very amazed: He actually shed tears of grief for a QQ friend whom he had never met. We had been nourishing a deep affection for each other all these years, yet he had never wept for me. My heart was pierced at that moment. I thought of many friends, neighbors and colleagues of me whose families were torn apart by the Internet. I couldn’t let my family be ruined in that way. I saw that my husband had hundreds of Internet friends. As a result, I, like an internet police officer, checked his messages all day, to see whom he chatted with, what they chatted about, and even whether they chatted excessive words. This especially applied to his regular women friends. I was afraid that my husband would betray me again; if so, our family would be disunited and irremediable by then. Therefore, checking his chat logs had become a routine for me in my daily life. One day, I found he had deleted some history, with the result that I doubted if he did something deviant. In order to retrieve my family, I created a QQ account, friended my husband and then began to chat with him. Unsurprisingly, a few months later, he treated me like other women, flirting with me, and later simply calling me “wife,” which made me furious at heart. I was aware that he had overstepped the bounds and fallen into cyber love. One day, on my way home from work, I chatted with him on mobile QQ as I walked. When I told him I would marry someone else, he cried. Then, after arriving home, I saw his eyes were red, and one could instantly tell he had been crying. I asked him, “How come your eyes are red?” He said, “Oh, I slept too much.” Seeing him like this, I felt both upset and amused, and didn’t know what to feel. In such a virtual cyber-world, he was infatuated with a person whom he had never met before. How pathetic! Until now I had totally lost confidence in him and watched him more closely.

computer

Same Bed, Different Dreams

By chance I found my husband did not forget that cyber acquaintance whom he called baby. Instead, he added her secretly and exchanged their telephone numbers to contact each other. My patience had at last worn out, and I often quarreled with him because of this matter, giving the family no peace. I did everything I could to prevent him chatting online, yet he, not restraining himself, still kept doing that. His colleagues told me that he used others’ phones to chat at work, as if he got hooked on it. I really couldn’t understand why the same person changed so much. Seeing he grew ever more deeply entangled but I could do nothing, I came to the end of my strength, distraught and aggrieved. I did wish to return to my former happy family. However, it just could be an extravagant wish for me. From that time on, our relationship became ever more estranged. He had his ideas and I had mine. Our home just became a place for dining and sleeping.

Encountering God’s Love, Entrusting All to Him

Just as my family was falling apart, the kingdom gospel of Almighty God reached us. My family of three all accepted God’s work of the last days and led a church life. When meeting, I told a sister my miseries brought by my husband’s surfing the Internet. Then my husband said defiantly, “You merely say my business during meetings, always complaining about me.” Looking at him, the sister said with a smile, “Nowadays, both adults and children all surf the Internet. It’s normal that you chat online. This is the consequence of being harmed by Satan. We’re unable to restrain ourselves. If it hadn’t been for God unraveling this mystery, we would still lay the blame on others and never understand each other. Let’s read a passage of God’s words and look at what God reveals. God’s words say, ‘In truth, out of the myriad things in God’s creation, man is the lowest. Though he is the master of all things, man is the only one among them that is subject to Satan’s trickery, the only one that falls prey in endless ways to its corruption. Man has never had sovereignty over himself. Most people live in the foul place of Satan, and suffer its derision; it teases them this way and that till they are half alive, enduring every vicissitude, every hardship in the human world. After toying with them, Satan puts an end to their destiny. And so people go through their whole lives in a daze of confusion, never once enjoying the good things that God has prepared for them, but instead being damaged by Satan and left in tatters. Today they have become so enervated and listless that they simply have no inclination to take notice of God’s work’ (‘Work and Entry (1)’). ‘… it seems like a world of gaiety and splendor, one that is becoming more and more so. When people look upon the world, their hearts are drawn to it, and many are unable to extricate themselves from it; great numbers will be beguiled by those who engage in trickery and sorcery. If you do not strive for progress, and are without ideals, you will be swept away by this sinful wave’” (“Practice (2)”).

The sister fellowshiped, “Actually, we living in pain is because of the torments of Satan. It uses the Internet to tempt and deceive us. Because we have no truth and no ability to discern good from evil, right from wrong, our hearts are drawn to this showy world. It seems to us that social trends are all like this so the Internet dating is all just very normal. People all love to enjoy this so-called love in virtual world and are deceived by it, having lost ourselves. We don’t care at all what kind of pain we will bring to our families, nor consider how to conduct ourselves as a person in a principled way. Once we’re ensnared in it, our relationships with others will be abnormal, which will be a kind of harm and betrayal to our families and relatives. If we can’t see through Satan’s deceit, can’t break free from it, then at last the conjugal relationship and family will break up. Now, we’ve believed in God. God asks us to live out the likeness of a true man, have the decorum of the saints and be decent and upright. We can’t treat marriage like the unbelievers who cling to ‘Maintain a marriage while having an affair.’ If we don’t come in front of God and accept His salvation, we could find no way to extricate ourselves from the cyber love.” She then looked at me and said, “Sister, we have no ability to change others. We should relinquish ourselves first, and entrust him to God’s hands and let God rule over and arrange him. God is almighty, and Satan is within His hands. Today, only God can save us, change us. Pray for him, I believe God shall change him.” Hearing her words, I came to understand: It turns out that the reason why we can’t get along well with each other is because we are fooled by Satan. Satan has corrupted us with the Internet and some evil viewpoints. I can do nothing now but pray for him, letting God change him.

Praying Sincerely, God Coming to Our Rescue

From then on, my husband and I had meetings twice every week. Satan used the Internet to separate us, while God gathered us together today. Thank God for His love. At home, we could bring our own corruption out into open by reading God’s words and use the truth to solve the matters we faced. Little by little, he didn’t chat online so frequently as before. Sometimes he read some news or played poker for a space, and then he would stopped playing. Thanks to gathering together to fellowship in God’s words, we were on the same wavelength again. One night, I woke up to find that he was still playing on the computer. Just then, I began to think wild thoughts: Is he playing poker or chatting with his cyber acquaintances secretly? I couldn’t get back to sleep, with my heart pounding. I wanted to approach him unnoticed to see if he was chatting. However, I thought again about the sister’s words, “All matters and all things are in God’s hands, Satan is also within God’s hands. Only by coming before God and relying on Him can we get rid of Satan’s harm.” Consequently, I prayed to God, “O God, I’m willing to entrust my husband to Your hand. I know I can’t control him, nor prevent him chatting online. May You protect my heart, enable me to be no longer angry and submit to You. Regardless of Your arrangements, I’ll give thanks to You.” After prayer, my heart became rather tranquil, and I soon fell asleep. From that day onward, whenever he surfed the Internet, I would communicate the truth with him and no longer lost my temper.

One day, I read a passage of God’s words, “Who made you disrespect yourself? Who made you do that shameful folly? Even if you say nothing you can’t hide the truth from Me. Who am I aiming at when I say I am the God Himself who examines the innermost heart of man? I say it to those dishonest ones. Doing that kind of thing behind My back, so shameless. Do you want to pull the wool over My eyes? It’s not that easy! … You don’t love yourself, you don’t respect yourself! You don’t care about yourself, yet you still want Me to love you? … it won’t do for you not to see this clearly. You must protect yourselves from being contaminated by any filth in this evil and promiscuous old age; you must be completely holy and unblemished. Today, those who are qualified enough to rule as kings with Me are those who are not contaminated by any filth, for I am the holy God Himself and I do not want any who shame My name. As for these, they are sent by Satan to test Me and they are in all truth the lackeys of Satan that must be beaten back (cast into the bottomless pit)” (“The Ninety-first Utterance”). God’s word made me realize that He examines the bottom of people’s hearts and that all my husband does are under His observation. God saw my husband was living in the deception of Satan and unable to free himself, so He raised me up to help my husband break away from cyber romance and receive God’s salvation. Thereupon, I read this passage to my husband and said, “God examines the bottom of people’s hearts. What you did behind me are perfectly clear to God, but He doesn’t treat you according to your actions and behavior. Instead, He does His utmost to save you. For example, I know you chatted with your Internet friends at midnight. I also know you went to your sister to surf the Internet behind my back. Besides, your colleagues told me you chatted in your unit. God warned you against going on like this through me. You’ve had families yet you’re still in cyber love with others behind my back. God says those who don’t love or respect themselves are evil, and are the lackeys of Satan. If you go on like this, you’ll only earn the disgust of God and be eliminated by Him in the end. However, God doesn’t want you to end up in hell; He wishes you to be saved.” My husband kept on nodding, saying, “Yes. Strange indeed! How come that I always get caught secretly surfing the Internet by you? It seems that God really observes my actions. I may deceive people, but I can’t deceive God. Every time I lived in the deception of Satan and couldn’t free myself, God would raise you up to remind me. He wants the best for me. In fact, I know chatting online is wrong, but I can’t control myself. I’ve thought about this for a long time: I’ve believed in God now and realized that doing such a thing is indeed disgusting and also your heart was deeply hurt. I must live out the decency of saints. I decided to remove all those QQ friends from my friends list, this way I could no longer interact with them.” At his words, I had some trust in him. I believed God’s word could change him.

At a subsequent period, I found he seldom surfed the Internet. Even if he did, he just played games. Rarely did I hear his QQ beeping with messages. After a long time, I asked him, “Do you still chat online?” He said, “I’ve stopped chatting long before. I have no cyber acquaintances now. Also, I think it’s boring.” Hearing his words, I knew all of this were the deeds of God. He heard my prayer and changed my husband’s heart. It was God who saved my family. Under the leadership of God, my husband recognized his corruption and would never indulge in cyber love. Henceforth, I didn’t have to quarrel with him anymore because of that.

Entering Into the Truth Together, Regaining Our Lost Love

One fine day, we were going to do our own duty after having breakfast. My husband said gently, “Are you ready? Let’s go together.” I took his arm on the way, saying to him happily, “It seems as if we haven’t quarreled for a long time. In the past, regarding both big and small matters in the house, even the matter of eating or drinking, I always supervised you, and wanted to make you listen to me. When you chatted online, I would watch over you, no matter where you went. At that time, I was not assured of you. I felt very tired living in that way. Now even though you don’t come back home for several nights, I won’t worry. For despite what you do outside, I can’t in the slightest way change you. All my worry is unnecessary and feeble. However, due to understanding the truth, you know your actions are under God’s eyes. God observes everything. You may deceive me, you can’t deceive God. If you want to satisfy God, you should practice according to His words. There is no need for me to supervise you.” He said thoughtfully, “Yeah. It is God’s words that have changed me. We should use God’s word to solve all things in our life, regardless of how big a thing. In addition, we should open our hearts to each other, live honestly and accept the advice, criticism and blame of the other person. Only if we yield to the authority of the truth can we have a normal relationship and live freely.” Yes. Satan turned us into demons, while God changes us into men. I saw that all things are in the hands of God. It is so easy for God to dominate each of us. After I entrusted my husband to God, through his reading God’s word, the authority of God’s word changed him. From this, I understood: Relying on our own ability, no matter how hard we try, we will never change any behavior of others, much less their dispositions. Only God can change us human beings, recover the normal relationship between my husband and me and revive our family. It is Almighty God who helps me revive my domestic happiness. Almighty God says, “Because the essence of God is holy, that means that only through God can you walk the bright, right road through life…. Only God Himself can help you shun evil and deliver you from the harm and control of Satan. Besides God, no one and nothing can save you from the sea of suffering so that you suffer no longer: This is determined by the essence of God” (“God Himself, the Unique VI”).

Zhao Jing

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