God’s Love Guided Me Out of the Vortex of Money (I)
I was born into a poor Chinese peasant family, I have six brothers and sisters and I am the oldest of them. Because there are many people in my family, we were often on short commons, with patches on our clothes, and we were always looked down upon by people around us. Later on, my aunt married and lived in the city. Every time she came to my home, she always dressed herself beautifully. Seeing her high-heeled shoes, I was very envious. From then on, the opinion of “Money is first” was planted in my mind, and I considered that if a man had money, he would live a life of being an important person, which, I thought, was truly happy. I told my parents, “In future, I will also live a wealthy life just like my aunt, wearing high-heeled shoes and steel-wired glasses.” In my teens, I determined that when I grew up, I must work hard to make money. As long as I made more money, I would live a wealthy life and others would no longer look down upon us.
Time flies and I grew up. A wealthy boy pursued me and let a matchmaker come to my home, proposing my marriage. The boy is good-looking and has a wealthy family, which was to my liking very much. I thought: If I can marry him, I won’t live this kind of life inferior to others. Afterward, however, my parents learned about that the boy had made a few girlfriends before, and they were afraid that he was unreliable. So they began to be against our association. My parent’s thought was quickly spread to the boy’s mother, and she took sulks and said: “We are rich enough. My son would like to make whichever girlfriend he likes. Now even if your daughter wants to make friends with my son, we won’t agree to it. Even though your daughter gives birth to golden or silver children for us, we won’t let her step into our home.” For this reason, the relationship between our two families got worse and worse, and I had no choice but to break up with the boy. After the departure, I felt sad for so long a time. Her mother’s words often echoed in my mind and I felt utterly humiliated, I thought, “Don’t think that your family has money, and so you are feeling great. If I have money someday, I will let you look at me with new eyes…”
Later on, by introduction, I knew a man and married him. During a few years, my two daughters and son were born continuously. When my son was born, I was diagnosed with serious oophoritic cyst and both of them were cut off one by one. One year later, I recovered gradually. I was just inquiring about some ways to make money everywhere and wanted to devote myself to my work when my husband requested a divorce. Only then did I know that during the period of my pregnancy, my husband cheated on me and found another woman outside. The news made me astonished, and I couldn’t bear this blow and felt weak and limp all over. Seeing my younger girl toddling around and my little son babbling, my heart was broken. Those days, every day, I lived a miserable life and shed tears of bitterness. Thinking of my idle husband, whichever child I left him, I would feel worried. Finally, I determined that: I will bring up these three children. As long as I work hard to make money, the children will not live a worse life than other children!
After divorce, my husband left the two thatched cottages to me, I lived in the village of my mother-in-law with my three children. Facing people’s ridicules, I felt oppressive and miserable and just wanted to get rid of this kind of life. In order not to be looked down upon by others, I began to try all means to make money. At the beginning, I worked in a workshop overtime, knitting sweaters from dawn to dark. In order to save more money, I lived a pinching and scraping life, and sometimes, I even just ate one meal a day, and was never generous to buy any clothes for myself. Just like this, I struggled for more money. Later, a boss, who often came to our workshop to pick up goods, seeing that I did work fast, asked me to work in their factory by paying me double salary. From then on, we led a better life. People beside me also praised me and I tasted the sweetness that was brought by money. Afterward, I myself opened a shop for doing business of knitting sweaters. As I knitted, I sold them. Gradually, I built up a good business. For a few years, I have also saved some money, built new houses and entered into the group of the few wealthy persons in the village. But these didn’t satisfy me. To make more money, I found a channel of wholesaling publications and began to transport them. This work was very hard and tiring and I often had to eat and sleep on the truck. After a long duration, I was too tired to hold on. But, seeing the money in my hand increasing gradually, I told myself that I must hold on. During the short two or three years, I got CNY 800,000, which made me a wealthy woman on the list in my hometown in 1997. At that time, I became a focus among people. Hearing their words of flattery, I enjoyed the sense of achievements, having forgotten myself…
With the wealthy friends around me gradually increasing, seeing their high-quality cars and luxury houses, I have already abandoned my desire of wearing high-heeled shoes and steel-wired glasses. And at that time I would like to earn more money to make my son and my daughters live an enviable life. So I still tried to look for better ways of making money. At this time, my cousin’s friends advised me to join them to trade stocks. They promised that if I earned money, I would get it; if I got a loss, they would burden it. Therefore, I tried investing some money, and very soon I made some money. So I felt it was lucky for me to find a right way of investment. Later on, I put all my money into it, but for a short time, my original CNY 800,000 was left only CNY 16,000. Hearing this news, I felt weak and limp all over. I went to ask a friend of my cousin for my money, but he said, “I have lost my own three houses, and there is nothing to compensate you.” When I heard what he said, I felt hopeless completely: This sum of money was my hard earnings, and the guarantee for my children’ s happy life. Now without it, how should we manage our happy life later? I felt I had no hope without these money, as if half of the heaven collapsed. I lay on the bed for a week, unwilling to eat anything, and my tears drained off. My mother was afraid that I would commit suicide and comforted me, “You are still young, although the money was gone, we can earn again.” My mother’s words seemed to give me a little hope, so I decided to cheer up and devoted all my efforts to work once again.
Although the money was lost, the image of the wealthy woman built in others' mind held me back to put down myself. I wouldn’t like to get others to know what situation I was in, moreover, be laughed at by my former husband and my mother-in-law’s families and relatives. So in front of them, I still disguised myself as a rich woman, offering to take a taxi, and inviting friends to dinner with my money.... But after each social whirl, touching the limited remaining money in my wallet, I couldn’t help feeling heartbroken and suffering. How bitter and tired I was! I didn’t know how to get rid of such suffering. Afterward, I left my hometown to other places to do work for others. During that period, I had been a rickshaw driver, sold vegetables, and worked as a babysitter. As long as I could make money, I would do the work. No matter how bitter and tiring it was. Later on, I heard that going abroad could make money, so in October 2013, I came to America by traveling far away. At the beginning, I had to make a living by working for others, and I endured the pain by myself. After a period of time, I made some money and rent a house to provide a massage. In order to save more money, I lived a pinching and scraping life again. My family and relatives in the mainland all thought that I made a killing in America again, but only I knew my suffering.
For years of hard work, I had a backache. Sometimes, it got so serious that I could only lie on the bed to have a rest. Faced with the wounds both in body and mind alone, I felt so desolate. I quieted my heart and thought: To my surprise, I spent half of my lifetime striving for making more money, the busy and tense life has numbed my heart. I don’t know why I am alive, and whom I live for. Thinking of these, I had a sense of sadness and loneliness, shedding tears unintentionally. As I was surrounded by hopelessness, a friend of mine preached Almighty God’s work of the last days to me. Almighty God’s words say: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to perform your duty. You assume your role in the plan of God and in the ordination of God. You begin the journey of life. Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” “Mankind, who left the supply of life from the Almighty, does not know why they exist, and yet fears death. There is no support, no help, but mankind is still reluctant to close their eyes, braving it all, drags out an ignoble existence in this world in bodies without the consciousness of souls. ... When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along.” Almighty God’s words are so gentle and deep, like a mother calling her child who has lost in the world for years, and like a warm current having melt my sorrowful and lonely heart. As if I had been drifting for years, and finally returned home, turning back to the embrace of my mother. It seemed my suffering and grievance had all disappeared at that moment. Then I understood that my life comes from God, and my fate is subjected to God’s sovereignty. I always believed that one’s fate is in his own hands, so I never admitted defeat. Even if I got divorced, I would live a better life than before, and let my ex-husband and people around me look upon me, so I struggled to make more money and live a better life. Not until I have had nothing left did I know that I couldn’t control my fate. If I had known such a mystery of life and come before God earlier, I wouldn’t have lived so miserably! I’m grateful to God for choosing me in the vast sea of humanity. So I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days, and began to attend meetings, share and fellowship God’s words with the brothers and sisters.
In the Church of Almighty God, I see that the brothers and sisters all treat each other with sincerity, and they get along well with each other, no noble or lowly. No matter who is in difficulty, brothers and sisters will read God’s words and seek to solve the problem together. Such life of the church makes me feel a kind of assuredness that I never tasted before. My heart becomes more and more released, and I get well day by day…
Xingwu, United States
To Be Continued …