I Finally Find the Secret to Living Harmoniously With My Wife

By Qianbei, Malaysia

Sweet Coupledom

In Malaysia, there are many places to play a game—throwing of mandarin oranges during the Lantern Festival every year. On that day, many single girls will write their telephone numbers or contact information on mandarin oranges and then throw them into the water, in hopes of finding a good husband. If some young man picks them up, then both sides will have a date and gossip over tea, or they will meet each other on the spot and leave their contact information to each other. And it was in this way that I got acquainted with my wife.

Not long after our acquaintance, we took to each other and then married. After getting married, I decided to give my wife a happy family and made her no longer feel lonely.

getting married

Fights After Marriage

However, the things were far from being as simple as I had imagined. Just after our marriage, all kinds of conflicts began to occur between us. In order to make my family lead a happy life, I contracted one mu of land to grow vegetables. At four o’clock every morning I left home to sell vegetables and not until seven o’clock in the evening did I go back home. My wife was also out from dawn till dusk. Because I was tired out after working all day long, I simply said some words to her each time when she came back home, and then I went to rest. As for the problems and troubles she encountered during her work, I was less concerned about them. Apart from in red-letter days, we seldom had heart to heart communication with each other at ordinary times. Later, there was some misunderstandings between us, so that we often quarreled with each other over some trifles. She complained that I didn’t look after her or care about her feelings. Realizing my own mistakes and also thinking of my promise to her at first, I tried to care for and understand her.

Afterward, each time she came back from work, I, seeing her unhappy or worried about something, would actively show concern about her. But every time my wife fretfully said, “Even though I tell you, you don’t understand. No more questions.” Whenever hearing her say like this, I felt very uncomfortable within: If I don’t ask, you will say I don’t care about you; I ask but you say it is none of my business. What do you want me to do? Having hit a wall for several times, I no longer asked her. And when I saw her unhappy, I kept away from her to avoid provoking her.

Gradually, there was more and more estrangements between us. We often quarreled about some trifles with increasing frequency. For example, sometimes, while I was working, she asked me but I didn’t answer, which caused a quarrel; sometimes when I was driving, she put forward a question suddenly, but I didn’t instantly react and gave her a response, and then she would quarrel with me. She complained about my paying no attention to her. Accordingly she began throwing her wallet on the ground, or other things, and so on. In the beginning I showed patience, while she unceasingly quarreled, so I couldn’t help but have a bitter quarrel with her. Consequently we quarreled more bitterly. In the end I was out of options and all I could do were saying no word and waiting for her recovering her temper. Sometimes, we would give the silent treatment to each other for two or three days, even for as long as a week.

After every quarrel, she would go to her friend’s to have a chat and not until early in the morning did she return home. Once, I got home after work and finished doing my housework but my wife still didn’t come back. So I telephoned her but couldn’t get through. It had been over two o’clock in the morning when she came back. At that moment, I was filled with anger. Following that, we started disputing. She was so angry that she wanted to leave with our marriage certificate. During the process of disputing, I carelessly pressed on her wrist, causing her to suffer a hairline fracture in her wrist. When seeing her very miserable, I was deeply remorseful and uncomfortable. I often thought: Why are we always squabbling? Can’t we live well? After that, our quarrels were patched up for a time. Nonetheless, the estrangements between us remained unresolved.

Bitterly Looking for the Good Medicine

In April, 2016, my wife accepted the Lord Jesus’ gospel. In order to possess a common topic with her and increase communication between us, I believed in the Lord together with her. In a gathering, hearing a pastor talk about the Lord Jesus’ loving man and even being crucified for man, until with the last drop of blood draining away, I was shocked by the Lord’s great love and determined to believe in Him properly. Later on, in the Bible knowing the fact that the Lord loved man, and even forgave others seventy times seven times, I felt the Lord’s mercy is too great. As a result, I followed the example of the Lord Jesus to live out His love. I tried to tolerate my wife; after each quarrel, no matter who did wrong, I took the initiative to apologize to her and coax her into happiness. However, I gradually found that what I had done didn’t work and that my wife had no least change. After some time, I felt very unbalanced in my heart, thinking: I am a man. I also have dignity. I cannot keep doing so. From then on, no matter how angry she was, I no longer coaxed her.

prayed to the Lord

Living in such a situation, I was extremely pained, so I prayed to the Lord, “Lord, only You are tolerant of and have pity on man. I am really unable to do it. I beg You to lead me to find a way of solving the contradiction between my wife and me.” After my prayer, I went to listen to some pastors’ preaching about marriage on Facebook. After hearing that, I felt that I understood the way they talked about: Never be angry after a quarrel, put ourselves aside and abide by the Lord’s teachings, just as the Bible says that if a person beats your left face, you show your right face and let him beat, and you forgive others seventy times seven times. However, I thought the way wouldn’t do to me at all. It should be good enough that I could forgive my wife three times. If I was always forgiving her but she had no transformation, how long should I forgive her? Although my wife also strived to practice, on facing things, she would still burst out into quarreling uncontrollably. Seeing that the religious pastors and elders could not provide for me the real way of solving the problem, I sank into deep distress: Can’t my wife and I really get along well with each other forever?

The Appearance of the Light

In January, 2017, I came across a sister from Hong Kong on Facebook. The truth the sister fellowshiped about was very beneficial to me and solved many problems which confused me in believing in God. Nevertheless, when the sister proposed me attending a meeting with them, I refused because I thought they couldn’t solve the problem between my wife and me. Two months later, I contacted the sister again. She advised that I should not be a person like a frog in the well, but instead should more understand God’s work. The sister’s word “you should not be a person like a frog in the well” made me had an awakening: Right, the external world is so big and I should go out to look. Perhaps there are some ways used to solve the problem between my wife and me. Therefore, I began attending their meetings.

One day, in a meeting, my brothers and sisters talked about how to be free of sins. Brother Chen said, “We have gained redemption of the Lord Jesus, but why can we not break free from the bondage of sin?” I was very interested in the topic and very eager to know the answer of it. Following that, Brother Chen let us read several passages of God’s words, “Before man was redeemed, many of Satan’s poisons were already planted within him. After thousands of years of Satan’s corruption, man already has within him a nature that resists God. Therefore, when man has been redeemed, it is nothing more than redemption, where man is bought at a high price, but the poisonous nature within has not been eliminated. Man that is so defiled must undergo a change before being worthy to serve God. Through this work of judgment and chastisement, man will fully come to know the filthy and corrupt substance within him, and he will be able to completely change and become clean. Only in this way can man be worthy to return before the throne of God” (“The Mystery of the Incarnation (4)”).

Though Jesus did much work among man, He only completed the redemption of all mankind and became man’s sin offering, and did not rid man of all his corrupt disposition. Fully saving man from the influence of Satan not only required Jesus to take on the sins of man as the sin offering, but also required God to do greater work to completely rid man of his disposition, which has been corrupted by Satan. And so, after man was forgiven his sins, God has returned to flesh to lead man into the new age, and begun the work of chastisement and judgment, and this work has brought man into a higher realm. All those who submit under His dominion shall enjoy higher truth and receive greater blessings. They shall truly live in the light, and shall gain the truth, the way, and the life” (“Preface”).

Then the brother communicated: “Though the Lord Jesus bore and forgave the sins of us by Him being nailed on the cross, in the Age of Grace the Lord Jesus only did His work of redemption. That is, our nature of committing sins hasn’t been solved, so we still sin and resist God often. Since we were corrupted by Satan, Satan’s poisons have already been planted within us, and thus we have satanic nature. Controlled by the nature of Satan, we have become crafty, arrogant and consider ourselves to be the most honorable. We have no tolerance and patience towards others, being unable to get along in harmony. What we live out are all corrupt dispositions. The Bible says, “For the wages of sin is death” (Rom 6:23). Thus, in order to rid us of these satanic corrupt dispositions and make us break away from the binding of sin, God has expressed His words to do His work of judgment and chastisement in His second incarnation.

At that time, I came to realize that the reason I cannot overcome the bondage of sin is actually because I have satanic corrupt dispositions and Satan’s toxins within me and these natures of Satan have become my life. Without God’s judgment and chastisement, my satanic dispositions cannot be cleansed and my life disposition cannot be transformed. Only by accepting God’s judgment and chastisement can I truly break away from the fetters of sin and live out the likeness of a man. I had benefited enormously from such a fellowship. Nonetheless, I still did not understand how God does His work of judgment. As a result, I wanted to gain a further knowledge of it.

» You might be interested in:

Christian Marriage: How to Let Go of Hatred of Husband

A Story of Newly-weds: How I Gained a Happy Marriage

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