Children’s Education

Every parent attaches great importance to their children’s education and Zhang Ju was no exception. In order to improve her son’s grades, she was very strict with his studies, only to drive their relationship into a stalemate…

By Xinkao Editor’s Note: China’s National College Entrance Exam (NCEE) is an event that makes many parents even more nervous than their children who actually take the tests. Will the children they’ve spent years painstakingly raising be able to secure their futures? Will their hopes for their children’s success become reality? Thoughts like this are oppressing for many parents, causing more and more parents to develop anxiety disorders. So, with what attitude should we face our children’s NCEE? As a Christian, she was able to face her son failing and re-taking the NCEE with a calm, happy, and relaxed attitude. How did she do it? Below, we’ll talk about her experiences. “Mom, I … I didn’t test into college.” Her son sat numbly in front of the computer, watching the slowly darkening screen. He had finally managed to get these words out through clenched teeth after a long silence. After he said them, he turned and went to his bedroom. Fang Xing stood where she was in shock. She didn’t dare believe her ears. It was a result that was impossible for her to accept. She thought, “I’ve expended so much effort for the last few years to make sure my son gets into a good college. How could this happen to us? Is our family really going to spend the rest of our lives as poor villagers? Will we never have our day in the sun?” Late that night, the air was hot and humid. The noisy fan seemed to howl next to her bed, filling the silent summer night into a deafening roar. Fang Xing tossed and turned in her bed as complex, indescribable emotions raced through her heart, and scenes from the past raced through her mind … Fang Xing was born into a poor rural family, and her parents were simple, honest peasants. They depended on farming to support five children, and their lives were very difficult. As a child, she wanted to leave the countryside and live a good life, so she swore to herself, “I will study hard, change my fate, and no longer live in poverty.” To realize that dream, she studied hard, reviewing her lessons late into each night, but although she came close, in the end she was not able to attend her ideal school. Unsatisfied, she wanted to take the entrance test again the next year, but the family didn’t have enough money, and she had no choice but to give up her studies and earn money through physical labor. She regretted not working harder at the beginning, and complained that there was no money at home to let her take her exam another year, and her heart was full of frustration and dissatisfaction, but there was nothing that could be done. After she got married, the birth of her son rekindled Fang Xing’s hopes. She remembered her own failure to attend university because of her family’s limited economic resources, so now that she had a son, she knew she had to work hard to provide him with a good schooling so he would have the chance to go to college and have a good future—he would achieve the dream she hadn’t been able to reach. From that moment, Fang Xing worked with all her strength to earn money, and she devoted herself to providing the best possible education for her son. When her son began elementary school, she spent huge sums to send him to advanced tutoring courses. She didn’t let him rest on weekends, nor over the summer and winter holidays. As he was preparing for the final cram before his high school entrance exams in his third year of middle school, Fang Xing even put aside all of the family’s farm work and expended all of her energy on her son, even personally dropping him off and picking him up from school. After he went to high school, to ensure he received an even better education, Fang Xing also spent 5,000 yuan on special tutoring classes for him on an online learning platform. Once, when she returned home after work, she expected to find him studying in front of the computer, but unexpectedly, she found him playing games. She angrily said to him, “I spent so much money on extra lessons for you because I want you to study hard and live a good life in the future, but instead I find you here playing games….” When her son heard that, he immediately stood up, slammed his hand on the desk, and shouted in answer, “The only thing you ever want me to do is study! I’m sick of studying! I can’t take it anymore!” When he finished, he turned, walked into his bedroom and, with a violent shove, slammed the door shut behind him. Seeing her usually obedient son suddenly so resistant, Fang Xing’s heart was filled with frustration and heartache. “Why doesn’t you understand what I’m trying to do for you? I work so hard to make money, save on food, and live frugally because I want you to study hard and have a good future. Isn’t all of that for your benefit?” The thought made Fang Xing feel miserable and wronged. At first, she thought her son was just in a bad mood that he would soon get out of, but what she couldn’t have expected is that, from that point on, her son intentionally began to distance himself from her. He wouldn’t let her take him to school or pick him up from school anymore, and he went straight to his room the instant he got home from school without saying a word. Seeing her son’s attitude, she couldn’t help but feel bitterly disappointed. But then she thought, “Even though my son doesn’t understand me now, one day he will realize my intentions are good.” As the date of the NCEE approached, tension gripped the school, and the students were doing their final bout of studying before the test. Fang Xing felt…

She failed in the college entrance examination time and again, and realized that God’s arrangements for our fate are always the best after obeying God.

She is a babysitter taking care of two naughty kids. After some time, she made the two naughty kids obedient. The secret is …

What is true happiness? Can good academic records bring happiness? The story between her and her brother will tell us the answer.

By Xiao Huan, China The high school entrance examination in 2012 was the first turning point in my life. My family had high expectations for me, and I confidently thought that I could get into high school. But I failed, and became very depressed. After that, I was unable to get over the failure for a very long time. Afterward, my mother realized that I was living in mental pain every day, so she read some of God’s words to me, “I am well acquainted with the thoughts of man’s mind and the wishes of man’s heart: Who has never looked for a way out for themselves? Who has never thought of their own prospects? Yet even though man is possessed of a rich and prismatic intellect, who was able to predict that, following the ages, the present would turn out as it has? Is this really the fruit of your own subjective efforts? Is this the payment for your tireless industry? Is this the beautiful tableau envisaged by your mind? If I did not guide all mankind, who would be able to separate themselves from My arrangements and find another way out? Is it the thoughts and wishes of man that have brought him to today? Many people go their whole lives without having their wishes fulfilled. Is this really because of a fault in their thinking? Many people’s lives are filled with unexpected happiness and satisfaction. Is this really because they expect too little? Who of the whole of mankind is not cared for in the eyes of the Almighty? Who does not live in the midst of the Almighty’s predestination? Whose birth and death come from their own choices? Does man control his own fate?” Through God’s words I came to know that God orchestrates and arranges the fate of us humans. We cannot foresee what rough and bumpy paths we will walk and what setbacks we will experience. From the outside, it seems unfortunate that I failed my exams, but from God’s perspective it had His good intentions in it. Under the leadership of God’s words, I was able to obey God gradually and walk away from my pain. When I had no illusions about my future and fate and was willing to submit to God’s arrangements, I gained admittance to nursing school. My whole family was overjoyed. I felt that God was by my side and could help me at any time. I thanked God from the bottom of my heart. In the blink of an eye, five years of nursing school passed. I was going to face the second turning point in my life—the nurse certificate examinations. This certificate was particularly important to me, as it proved I’d studied nursing. Without it, I couldn’t do any jobs related to nursing, meaning my five years of studying would have been wasted. I particularly thought of my father, who worked from dawn to dusk to provide for my tuition, and how it would disappoint him so much if I couldn’t get the certificate. For the sake of my own future and face, and to not let my parents down, I desperately wanted to get the certificate, and therefore I was under great pressure. As the exam day approached, I got more and more nervous. Every day I spent hours imagining life after the exam: If I made it, I would look so great in the nurse’s uniform; but what if I failed? How would my family and friends see me? How would I survive in society without a certificate? … The nervousness before the exam almost suffocated me, so I went to talk to my mother. She said, “Your nervousness is caused by your ignorance of God’s sovereignty. All of our fates are subject to God’s sovereignty. All we can do is to submit to His orchestrations and arrangements.” Then she asked me to read a passage of God’s words, “The life of man is entirely in God’s hands. Where a person can go and where he cannot go, what duty he may perform, where he lives every day, where he will live during what years, what else he will go do and for how many years, and at what points he will change life direction—all these things have been appointed by God in advance” (“A Person Can Live Life With Dignity Only by Submitting to and Revering God”). It is so true. God has already predestined my fate. If being a nurse is not decreed by fate, then no matter how hard I work for it, I will never be able to succeed. I’m just a created being, so I should submit to the Creator’s orchestrations and arrangements. Afterward, my mother fellowshiped with me a lot, and I realized that whether I would have a bright future ahead of me or not would not be determined by the results of that exam, but by God’s arrangements. Therefore, I came before God and prayed, “O God, I’m about to take the nursing exam and I’m not sure if I can make it. I wish for you to guide me. If I don’t make it, please protect me so that I will not blame You and will still submit to Your sovereignty.” However, I still had butterflies in my stomach, so I told God about all my difficulties and whatever was in my heart. Afterward, I read a passage of God’s words, “Regardless of how many truths people understand, … no matter how great or small their stature is or what their personal environment is like, something that they cannot be without is looking to God and relying on God in all things; this is the greatest wisdom. … Sometimes, looking to God doesn’t mean asking God to do something using specific words, or asking Him for specific guidance or protection. Rather, it is that when people encounter some issue, they are able to call on Him sincerely. So, what is God doing there when people…

In modern society, the relationships between many parents and their children have reached a deadlock; worse still, because many conflicts haven’t been resolved in time, there could even appear wide gaps between parents and children, which brings great pains to both sides. Once I was one of those miserable parents, and it was God’s words that bridged the gap between me and my son, making me know how to get along with him and build a new type of parent-child relationship. My son was 26 years old now. Grown man though he was, the way he did things worried me a lot. One day, my son returned home and said to me: “Mom, I want to run a store together with my classmate. But I have no money. Could I use the property ownership certificate as collateral to get a bank loan?” On hearing this, I thought: It’s hard to do business now. Probably you will lose money; the risk is too high. Then I flatly refused him: “You’d better forget it right now. I won’t agree. It’s not easy to run a business. You’d better go to work steadily; in that case, there is no risk and you will live easy and free.” Hearing this, he lost his temper, saying: “What can I do on such a low salary? Every time I want to do something, you never support me, but always want me to do according to your wishes. I don’t want to see you again.” Then he left angrily. Looking at his receding figure, I thought: I’m your mother. I’ve crossed more bridges than you’ve done miles of walking. So I’m sure I won’t be wrong. I’m doing this just for your own good, and you’ll understand sooner or later. Later he discussed with me about running a store several times, but I rejected him flatly. Finding it hard to communicate with me, he was so irritated that he didn’t go to work nor come home. One day he suddenly came back and again talked about the same thing. At that time, anger welled up inside me, and I said with impatience: “Why are you still talking about this? Why don’t you give up?” So saying, I refused him again. Then he stormed out, slamming the door behind him. After a while, he returned. Seeing this, I kept telling myself: Take it easy. I must keep myself from telling him off. Unexpectedly, during the meal, he brought up the topic of loan once again. Trying my best to refrain my anger, I said in a gentle voice: “Sweetheart, listen to me. We can’t take a risk.” Rejected by me again, he was furious, shouting at me: “You are always saying I cannot do this or cannot do that, so what exactly can I do?” After saying this, he slammed down his bowl and went out without turning back. At that moment, I couldn’t help bursting into tears, and felt wronged: I am doing this just for his own sake while he is always pitting himself against me. Why doesn’t he understand me? The more I thought, the more miserable I felt. So I went to my bedroom and prayed to God: “O God, why is it so hard to be a parent? I really don’t know how to deal with this matter. What should I do to communicate with my son normally?” After praying, I opened up the book of God’s words and read the following words: “Many might well believe in God, and in appearance they look very spiritual, but as how to treat their children, and as to how children are to treat their parents, they do not have a clue in their views and attitudes how to put the truth into practice in these cases, and what principles should be applied in treating these matters and dealing with them. In a parent’s eyes, the parent is always a parent, and the child is always a child. Thus, the relationship between parent and child becomes very difficult to deal with, and it’s very hard for both sides to get along with each other. Precisely because a parent always assumes their place as a parent and will not budge from it, keeping that status from which they will not come down, their child becomes at odds with them. A lot of things really result from the parent always assuming their place as such and taking themselves too seriously; they always see themselves as the parent, the elder: ‘Regardless of when, you won’t get escape from your mother’s (or father’s) control; you’ll still have to listen to me. You are my child. The fact of this doesn’t change, regardless of when.’ This viewpoint makes them miserable and wretched, and makes the child miserable and exhausted. Isn’t this the case? Is this not a manifestation that one doesn’t understand the truth? How is the truth to be practiced in this case? … Just be an ordinary person: Treat your children, treat those in your own family the same as you would an ordinary brother or sister. Although you have a responsibility, a fleshly relationship, nevertheless the position and perspective you should have is the same as with friends or ordinary brothers and sisters. That is, you can’t control, you can’t restrain your children, and always try to keep in command and have complete control over them. Let them make mistakes, let them say the wrong things, let them do childish and immature things, do stupid things. No matter what happens, sit down and calmly talk with them, communicate and seek. Don’t you think this attitude is good? Isn’t it right? So, what is being let go here? (Position and pride.) It is the letting go of the position and status of a parent, the airs of a parent, and all of the responsibility one thinks they should assume, everything that one thinks they should be doing as a parent; instead, it’s enough that one does the best…