flower, mother

20 Years Later, I Was Finally Able to Forgive My Mother

By Kemu, South Korean In the darkness of the night, I scramble down a seemingly endless lane, looking every which way, but unable to find my way home and wracked with anxiety. All of a sudden, my mother appears in the distance walking toward me and I’m overtaken with a sense of elation. Just as I’m about to call out “Mom,” she disappears. I cry out for my mother in a loud voice, but she doesn’t respond to my calls and I become enveloped in darkness and fear … I awoke suddenly and sat up in bed, covered in sweat and breathing heavily. It was all just a dream! All the noise had startled my wife into wakefulness. She wiped the cold sweat from my brow and softly said, “Did you have another nightmare? After all these years, why don’t you stop torturing yourself? It’s too tiring and painful. After all, you can’t hate your mother for your whole life, right?” I thought to myself, “Of course I want to let go of my resentment, but I just can’t do it!” Mom, Why Did You Abandon Me? I had originally had a happy and loving family, but when my sister drowned when I was four, my life was turned upside down. My father couldn’t take the pain of losing his daughter and so he drank excessively and, after drinking, he would become violent, breaking things and hitting my mom. As my father’s psychological health continued to decline, my mother just couldn’t take the abuse and eventually decided to file for divorce. When I was ten, my mother called me on the phone and told me that she was now working in a different city. I decided to go visit her, but in the end I couldn’t find her. From then on, I felt only blame for my mother. I blamed her for being so heartless and abandoning me when I was only four years old and showing not the least bit of care or concern. I swore to myself that I would never try to go visit her again. Only later did I learn that she had moved to another city for financial reasons. When I was fourteen, I was forced to quit school and begin working. I was bullied and scorned to no end. Yet, during this time, I didn’t receive the slightest bit of help or support from my mother and I pinned all of my suffering on the fact that she had abandoned me. At that time, I wanted a warm, loving household more than anything. I wanted to live a happy and joyous life under the care of my mother, but this simplest of dreams never became a reality. Unable to Let Go of Resentment for My Mother Two years later, my mother suddenly contacted me and told me that for financial reasons and to make money that she could give me to start a family, she was heading to Korea for work. When I heard this, I didn’t try to persuade her to stay. After that, Mom would often call me to see how I was doing, but I had already been hurt too deeply and so I was always curt in our conversations. When I was twenty, my mother returned, but instead of showing caring, she was strangely critical of me. In the end, we parted on bad terms after a big fight. My mom was only in China for a week before leaving once again. My resentment toward my mother grew even stronger and I even thought that I never wanted to see her ever again. However, I could never bring myself to finalize such a decision, given that my mom had, after all, raised me for a time. Blood runs thicker than water, so who was I to cut family ties so arbitrarily? Seemingly in no time at all, I had arrived at the age when I should marry and settle down. I found a partner that really understood me and was highly empathetic, but my mother didn’t like her and strongly opposed our marriage, which only drove a deeper divide between us. After that, whenever I spoke with my mother on the phone, we would always be at each other’s throats. When my wife saw how strained my relationship was with my mother, she urged me on multiple occasions to put aside my resentment, but I just wouldn’t listen to her. Later on, my wife gave birth to a beautiful little girl and, to provide a good living environment for our child, we decided to move to Korea. When we first arrived in Korea, my mother would often call us, but whenever she called I wouldn’t answer or I’d tell my wife to answer—I didn’t want to hear her voice and didn’t want to have any verbal communication with her. On multiple occasions I had tried to convince myself to let go of my resentment and try to get along with her, but as soon as I remembered all of the pain and humiliation of my youth, I would be unable to let bygones be bygones. My resentment for my mother had ensnared me like an invisible net, making me feel repressed and unable to open up and let go. Because of this, I often even had nightmares. With God’s Pity and Concern, I Didn’t Feel So Alone My wife saw how much I was suffering and urged me saying, “Come put your faith in God with me. Only by leaving all your worries to God will you be able to open up and let go. God has expressed many truths in the last days and if we come before God, reading God’s word and understanding the truth, all of our pain and troubles will be resolved.” My wife had accepted Almighty God’s work in the last days half a year ago and had spread the gospel to me several times, but I had always turned her down by saying…

When Respect Is Lost in a Marriage, What Should We Do?

When Respect Is Lost in a Marriage, What Should We Do?

The Bible teaches us “Marriage is honorable in all,” yet in today’s society there are more and more people engaging in extramarital affairs. Facing the evil social trends, how should we follow the teachings in the Bible and learn to respect marriage.

relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

How to Handle the Relationship Between Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law

Li Xiu (Thread Starter): Hello, everybody! Wang Dan: Hello, anything to share with us? Zhao Hui: We’re all ears. Li Xiu: Alas! At the mention of my daughter-in-law, I feel great sadness. I should have been happy for my son’s marriage. However, I have been unhappy since my daughter-in-law married into my family. She is too lazy. In more than a decade, I helped her take care of her kid, whereas she didn’t do any housework after coming home from work. She always leaves the dishes for me to wash after meals. Moreover, she has never cleaned the toilet and kitchen. I feel annoyed at her such behaviors, and complain about my son’s marrying her. Alas, each time when I think of these things, I become angry. Anyone have a good idea to solve my problem? Wang Dan: Alas! I understand how you feel. I’m facing the same problem as you. As the proverbs go, “Even an upright official finds it hard to settle a family quarrel,” and “Every family has its own problems.” Few mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have been able to get along with each other since time began. Just turn a blind eye and scramble for a living. He Jia: In my view, since you can’t get along well with each other, why not live apart from her? Out of sight, out of mind. Zhao Hui: I don’t think to separate to live or scramble for a living is a good idea, because it can only temporarily ease the conflict, but cannot truly solve the problem. If mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can’t stand the sight of each other, then how can they be family? Xu Qing: It’s normal that there is a generation gap between you because of different backgrounds and different education. Thread Starter, why don’t you try asking your son to speak to his wife? Li Xiu: I’ve tried. But he is always on his wife’s side. Alas! He loves his wife more than he loves me. Xu Qing: Maybe you can try Wang Dan’s idea. Just turn a blind eye and make do. Zhang Hui: Will it work? They still have to stay mad every day. How tiring the life will be! Xu Qing: Well, I have no other ideas. Anyone have a clever idea? Zeng Ai: I have no clever idea. As to this problem, just let me share my experience and appreciation. Li Xiu: OK! Zeng Ai: My daughter-in-law was not domesticated, either. Every day after returning home from work, she was always playing with her cell phone and didn’t care for others at all. My son, who is a teacher, prepared lessons late every night. One day, I went to their house. At night, I was preparing for bed, when my son asked me to hang out his washing. I went through their bedroom to the balcony, and saw that my daughter-in-law had already fallen asleep. I immediately became angry. My son is so busy every day. As a wife, she should show no consideration for her husband at all; it’s a shame. The more I thought, the angrier I became, so that I really wanted to immediately throw the basin down and walk off. However, that would embarrass my son, so I smothered my anger hanging out the washing. Each time when I saw that she didn’t do housework, I felt mad. I thought, “After I got married, I had to work, take care of my kids as well as do household chores. I always kept the family in line so that my family didn’t need to bother themselves about the household affairs. Besides, I was considerate to my husband, and never left the housework to him. The neighbors often complimented me, saying I was an understanding wife. You’re too lazy.” Afterward, I couldn’t hold back any longer, and I grumbled at my son about his wife, such a lazy woman. But he was always on his wife’s side. He said, “Her work pressure is heavy. Please don’t compare people of your generation with people of this age. Your thinking is too hidebound and you’re unable to keep up with the current trends. Compared with others of the same age, she is much better. Please don’t nitpick or make too many demands of her, or else our family would be inharmonious.” Hearing his words, I felt terrible and thought to myself, “How can it be that you don’t understand me at all? Am I not for your good, for the family’s good? Alas! …” Disappointedly, I had to keep the grievance in my heart. In pain, it occurred to me that I was a believer in God. So why didn’t I seek the truth on how to treat my daughter-in-law? Just then, I thought of a passage of words in “Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life,” “Since the wildly arrogant man is puffed up with conceit and looks down his nose at others, he is not friendly to others and is unable to treat others as equals, and he can never live in harmony with other people. … The man with a wildly arrogant disposition always regards himself as better than others and no one is his equal. He is unable to see the strengths and good points of others and even if he does see them, he does not accept them at all and only steps up his attacks, and denigrates them. He sees the faults and shortcomings of others with unusual clarity, and he spreads these around at will. He likes in particular to talk about his own strengths, he particularly likes to compliment himself, to exalt himself while denigrating others. The man with a wildly arrogant disposition is always extremely conceited, inclined to be self-centered, making others hold him in high esteem and gather around him. Regardless of what he says and does, others must listen to him and pay close attention to him.” From these words, I realized that it was because of my arrogant disposition…

Christian Marriage Story: No Longer Complaining, She Has a Happy Marriage

Christian Marriage Story: No Longer Complaining, She Has a Happy Marriage

By Zhang Jun Editor’s Notes: She went to a rich woman’s wedding, and after she got home, she was disgusted with her husband, and with the fact that her marriage lacked “bread.” Her relationship with her husband became difficult and gridlocked, and she lived in suffering. But then she discovered that although marriages with “bread” are glamorous, there is hidden sadness and pain behind them. She is suddenly enlightened, no longer complains about her husband, and realizes that her marriage is the best. How did she achieve this change? Read on to find out … One morning, a ray of sunshine shined into the house and painted the floor a golden color. Qianhui opened her eyes and stretched, but just as she was about to get out of bed, the phone rang. She picked up and heard her friend Lili on the other end of the line. “Qianhui, I’m getting married next Sunday, you have to come! …” When she heard the good news of her friend’s marriage, Qianhui was happy for her. She thought, “So many people tried to introduce a boyfriend for Lili, and all the men’s families had good backgrounds, but she was never satisfied. Now she’s getting married, so her husband’s family must be very well off.” On the day of Lili’s wedding, Qianhui woke up early to get dressed and do her makeup. She arrived at Lili’s house around 10, and when she walked in the door, she was shocked at the new house she saw, its wide living room, beautiful decoration, and fashionable, luxurious furniture…. The house could only be described as “magnificent.” The seed of admiration was planted in her heart: No wonder Lili got married! Her husband must be incredibly rich! Then, when Qianhui arrived at the wedding, she was even more shocked by the luxury on display: The wedding was held at a star-ranked hotel, the MC was the most famous host in the area, and all the cars in the procession were each brand’s most high-end models. As she took in what was before her, Qianhui was both envious and jealous. She couldn’t help but sigh and think, “In school, in both grades and looks, I was superior to Lili, but now, I’m lagging in every respect. Never mind the grandeur of the wedding, even the house I’ve lived in for years is still just a common bungalow. I could work all my life and still never live a life as luxurious as Lili’s.” Qianhui felt very lost, and she began to regret having simple standards when she first started looking for a boyfriend. She had only asked that her future partner be honest and that they be able to live a happy life together in the future, resulting in a careless search which produced a husband without the ability to earn money. If she could do it all over again, she thought, she would find a rich man with a house and a car. Well, it’s too late for that now. Qianhui shook her head helplessly. To keep herself from being immersed in sense of loss, she chatted with a few friends she hadn’t seen for a long time. But her friends were also showing off about their husbands’ work, income, family houses, cars…. Compared to her friends, Qianhui felt that she had nothing worth showing off. Qianhui’s self-esteem was seriously frustrated, and her mood fell. She couldn’t sit still anymore, so she simply ate and left in a hurry. When she got home, scenes of what she saw at the wedding floated through Qianhui’s mind. All her friends seemed to be doing better than she was. She didn’t have much money, didn’t have a car, and didn’t even have a condo unit in an apartment building, never mind the trappings of a luxurious life. The more she thought, the more aggrieved she felt. She thought she felt so lost now because her husband was incompetent. If her husband came from a family that was better off, or if he could make a lot of money, then wouldn’t she also have a house and a car, and a petty bourgeoisie lifestyle, and show off in front of her friends? The thought made everything she saw at home ugly to her, especially her husband’s clumsy honesty, weakness, and incompetence, which became infuriating to her. Whenever her husband did something that was the slightest bit displeasing, she found an excuse to lose her temper with him as a way to vent her dissatisfaction. Every time her husband saw Qianhui unhappy, he would try to comfort her. Although Qianhui knew her husband treated her well and let her have her way in everything, she always felt humiliated. She didn’t want to live such an ordinary life, where an escape from poverty seemed impossible. And so, her originally harmonious and comfortable family life was now spent quarreling. Gradually, Qianhui felt that her husband had changed. In the past, he came back from work and helped her with housework as he talked to her, but now he was cold to her. He started playing games on his phone whenever he had nothing to do, and he barely talked to her. His strange behavior made Qianhui even more frustrated. She thought, “It was humiliating enough to marry you, and now you treat me like this. I really can’t live like this!” The more she thought about it, the more aggrieved and miserable she felt. She didn’t know how to go on. Later, Qianhui accepted God’s last days’ gospel. She often went to meetings with her brothers and sisters to read the words of God. As she interacted with her brothers and sisters, she saw that everyone was very honest and kind. If anyone had difficulties or was confused, they could discuss things openly together and seek truth in God’s words. There was no superiority or inferiority between them, no one looked down on anyone else, and everyone helped, supported, and supplied each other. Everyone…

My First Letter to My Husband After My Marriage

A Marriage Testimony: My First Letter to My Husband After My Marriage

After her marriage, because her husband couldn’t earn much money and life was hard for her family, she repeatedly complained, quarreled with her husband, and even wanted to get a divorce. Later, in God’s word, she finally found the root of her pain, after which she no longer looked down on her husband, and her home became peaceful.

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