A Christian’s Diary God’s Words Led Me to Put Aside the Desire for Fame

A Christian’s Diary: God’s Words Led Me to Put Aside the Desire for Fame

By Cong Ling March 1st, 2018 Thursday, Sunny Today, a young brother named Xiaoyang came to our church. Although he has not believed in God for very long, he really engages in pursuit and expends himself enthusiastically. As a long-time believer, I must get along well with him. And we brothers and sisters should help each other. This is the likeness that a Christian should live out and also what God hopes to see. April 1st, 2018 Sunday, Sunny to Cloudy Today, I was in a terrible mood. The leader was not satisfied with the work that I had put a lot of efforts into, for there existed some problems in it. What made me more depressed was that my leader let Xiaoyang take over my work. When he asked me some questions with the worksheet, I was uncomfortable in my heart, and thought: “I have racked my brains to do this work. Although the final outcome is not ideal, I have done my best. I should at least be given another chance. Xiaoyang just has come here for a month. Even though he pursues the truth and is worthy of cultivation, they shouldn’t have turned over to him the work I was in charge of so quickly. Where can I show my face? How will the brothers and sisters see me?” April 3rd, 2018 Tuesday, Overcast to Rainy The sky is gloomy, so is my heart. As soon as I thought the work I had toiled at for such a long time was entrusted to Xiaoyang, I felt very painful. What displeased me more was: Xiaoyang constantly consulted me about this or that. Despite being unwilling in my heart, I still answered his questions for the sake of saving face. But later, he said that he was too busy and asked me to help him collate the files. At that moment, I couldn’t bear it any longer and thought: “You have taken over the work I used to take charge of. Aren’t you capable? Then you do it yourself. I won’t help you.” But then, I felt a little uneasy: “He is new here and has not yet been familiar with the situation of the church. What’s more, I am the former responsible person of this work; I should help him.” Yet it occurred to me: “If he is unable to do it, he can ask our leader to find someone else. Why am I bothering to help him? If we do the work well, everyone will think it is because of his efforts and thereby look up to him. Who can know that it is me who do the work? Won’t they even more look down upon me then?” When I thought of this, my heart which had just softened a little immediately hardened up. In the end, I didn’t help him. April 5th, 2018 Thursday, Cloudy to Sunny Today, at the meeting, when seeing me unhappy, my sisters and brothers asked me with concern if I had encountered any difficulty. I opened up my heart and said to them, “I don’t understand why the leader assigned the work which I had put many efforts and prices into to Xiaoyang, who is new here. How will other brothers and sisters see me? They must all look down upon me and regard me as inferior to him. Once I think of this, I feel uncomfortable inside.” After knowing my situation, my brothers and sisters all helped me. They said, “The things that happen every day contain God’s good will. God arranges them not to make trouble with us but to change and save us. We should examine what corrupt disposition we have revealed when encountering this thing, and then know ourselves and seek a transformation.” That’s true! What the brothers and sisters said was utterly right. As a Christian, I should learn to reflect on myself and seek the truth in everything. I asked myself: Why am I always displeased these days? Why do I have an aversion to Xiaoyang? I didn’t treat him like this before. What’s wrong with me? I pondered these questions again and again in my heart. Afterward, I read a passage of God’s words, “As soon as it involves position, face, or reputation, everyone’s heart leaps in anticipation, and you always want to stand out, to be famous, to be glorified. You are unwilling to yield, always wanting to contend, although contending is embarrassing. However, you are not content not to contend. When you see someone stand out, you are jealous, feel hatred, complain, and feel it is unfair. ‘Why can’t I stand out? Why is it never me? Why is it always he who gets to stand out and it’s never my turn?’ There is some resentment. You try to repress the resentment, but you can’t, so you pray. After praying, you feel better for a little while, but later when you encounter the matter again you cannot overcome it. Is this not a case of immature stature? Is not a person’s falling into these conditions a trap? This is the bondage of a satanically corrupted nature.” God’s words clearly exposed my situation. When I failed to do my work and my leader directly assigned it to a new brother, I felt a loss of face, so I was uncomfortable within and full of resentment toward the brother. When he encountered difficulties and asked me to help him, I worried that if I helped him do well the work, he would even more stand out. By then, other brothers and sisters must think that it is a wise decision to replace me with him, and I would be even more embarrassed. Therefore, I no longer regarded him as my brother, but as my rival, inwardly competing with him for position. In order not to be exceeded by him and be looked down on by others, I would rather not uphold the church’s work than help him. I was really too selfish and…

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