By She Qi, China Marriage is a major thing in everyone’s life, so how can we choose a right life partner in a way that will ensure happiness? What are your criteria for selecting a spouse? These days, more and more women want to marry someone tall, rich and handsome, and more and more men want to marry a beautiful woman. People think that as long as they have money and are able to enjoy a lavish material life, they’ll be happy. But is that kind of perspective on marriage accurate? What really is true happiness? Here Qiao Yin and Qi Zheng, a couple worthy of our admiration, break down what happiness really is. Quick Navigation Could These Feelings Be Wrong? God’s Words Reveal the Root of Human Suffering Happiness Was Right There All Along Qiao Yin met Qi Zheng during her first year in college. He came from a humble family, and over the first year they knew each other, she found him to be a truly kind man. They fell in love. Qiao Yin told him that she was a Christian and she shared God’s gospel of the last days with him. Qi Zheng joyfully accepted the work of God. The two of them frequently attended gatherings and read God’s words together—they talked about everything. Every day she spent with Qi Zheng was a very happy day, and she frequently gave thanks to God from the heart for having met him. Could These Feelings Be Wrong? Once word spread of their relationship, Qiao Yin’s family was very opposed to it and did their utmost to break them up, and even her roommates didn’t think much of their prospects. Qiao Yin didn’t care about others’ opposition; she was determined to stay with Qi Zheng. Realizing that she really was set on spending her life with him, the people around her gave her “kind” words of advice. “Look, your family conditions are not bad and you’re good-looking. Why would you date someone who’s poor? Have you thought about what life will be like from here on out? The way our society is now, after you graduate you won’t be able to get a good job unless you can pull some strings. How could someone without any money or influence have useful connections? If you stay with him, I guarantee you won’t have an easy life. I have a friend who’s tall, rich, and handsome—I’ll introduce you. As long as you’re willing to break up with Qi Zheng you two definitely stand a chance.” “Isn’t finding a good partner a woman’s lifelong wish? Just look at what a house and a car cost today. If you’re with someone who has nothing but the shirt on his back, you’re going to have to struggle for years and years to get those things. And then when you have a kid it’ll be even harder!” “You need to be realistic. Qi Zheng really does have feelings for you, but can the feelings between you now pay the bills? Can he provide you with a comfortable life? You know what they say—love can’t make you happy if your pantry is bare. While you’re still young, find someone with family money.” Qiao Yin heard lots of things like this, and while on the surface she appeared to reject all of it and she refused to break up with Qi Zheng, a seed of doubt was planted in her heart. And she saw that her roommates Yaoyao and Xiaowen had each gone through several boyfriends since starting college, each richer and more charismatic than the last. They went on dates to fancy restaurants, and even when it wasn’t a special occasion their boyfriends would send them big bouquets of blue roses or even cellphones, name-brand purses, and other luxury products. Sometimes they’d even pick them up and drop them off in a car. It was really romantic and impressive. This particularly gave Qiao Yin an odd feeling of envy as well as jealousy. Before she knew it, Qiao Yin started feeling dissatisfied with Qi Zheng. Even though he was very kind and was really devoted to her, he was too down-to-earth and frugal in his day-to-day life. They only ever went on inexpensive dates, going to free parks and getting snacks from roadside stalls. There weren’t any lavish gifts or high-class restaurants—she’d never experienced those things. When she took him out to have dinner with friends he was always on a lower rung than her friends’ boyfriends. Mulling over all of these things, Qiao Yin felt more and more discontent. During that time her friends were all talking about how their boyfriends had promised to buy them a house and a car after getting married, and what really stuck out for her was that her cousin had a boyfriend who already owned two homes. She felt really upset every time her family compared her cousin’s boyfriend to Qi Zheng. After that, Qiao Yin kept trying to suss out how much savings Qi Zheng’s parents had and if they’d be able to buy them a house and car if they got married. Every time she brought this up, she put him in a really awkward position; he’d explain in a quiet voice that his parents didn’t have any money, then go on in a louder voice to say that in the future he’d work hard to earn money. Every time she heard him say this Qiao Yin felt an inexplicable rage and often wouldn’t even acknowledge him. She’d throw a fit for at least a few hours, sometimes for a day or two. The things those closer to her had been saying were always in mind, and she started to think that if she could find a guy from a well-off family, she’d have a much more comfortable life, but if she married someone poor and started with nothing, wouldn’t that be a loss? At some point things their once-happy love affair became very complicated, and conflicts…
By Shuxing, France A Wonderful, Happy Marriage For as long as I can remember, my parents would argue all the time and I would often see my mom crying. At that time, I so longed for a peaceful, happy family. When I grew up, I was determined to find a husband who would be considerate toward me and who could take care of his family, and I hoped for a wonderful, happy marriage. I met my husband through an introduction by a relative, and we got married and had two daughters together. At that time, we were contracted to run a sand quarry, and my husband worked very hard every day. But as soon as he got home, he would still do things like wash clothes and make dinner. My husband loved me dearly, and he never let me worry or asked me for help in any matter, whether big or small. My neighbors were all envious that I had such a good husband and such a happy family. I was very satisfied and felt I had married a good man, and that I would have someone to support me for the rest of my life. Later on, my husband and a relative went off to start a business, and I managed the sand quarry business at home. Though it was very hard and exhausting, I felt it was worth it, not only to take the pressure off my husband, but also so that our life would get better and better. In this way, with me and my husband working toward the same goal, a year later we bought a house in the city. I then got a job in the city, and we handed the sand quarry over to my husband’s father to manage. Our life together got better and better and life felt so sweet. I often looked forward to my husband and I spending the rest of our lives like this, loving each other, hand in hand, creating a better life together. Never did I imagine that misfortune was silently making its way toward me … An Unknown Woman’s Call One day, my husband said that his business was not doing well and that he wanted to open a restaurant in Shanghai with a friend. I agreed to this and gave him 20 thousand yuan. After that, my husband stopped sending money back home and, every time he came home, he would groan and sigh, saying how the restaurant business was not going so well. I would comfort him and tell him not to worry so much, and would give him money so he would have enough for his business to keep going. Despite this, my husband was no longer as optimistic as he had once been, and sometimes he would deliberately avoid me when he answered the phone. And yet I didn’t think much about this unusual behavior, thinking that he must be under a lot of pressure and didn’t want me to worry! One day during the summer holidays, my husband came back home from Shanghai and bought me and our daughters some clothes. I was really happy. I thought that it must have been difficult for my husband to spare this time to visit us and so we should make the most of our time together, but he said that he had business to attend to that afternoon, and he went off by himself. Though I felt a little disappointed, I thought that my husband was so busy for our family’s sake, and I didn’t take it to heart. That evening, our home phone rang, and I answered it. A young woman asked for my husband by name, and then said aggressively that she and my husband had been living together in Shanghai and that they had an eight-month-old son … When I heard this, I suddenly felt stunned and my mind went blank. In my heart, I was yelling over and over: “That’s not possible, that’s not possible. My husband would never betray me and do something like that! He loves me so much, how could he betray me? It’s not possible!” But the young woman spoke so surely, and I thought of my husband’s unusual behavior—could what she was saying be true? How could this happen? I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come and, in order to get to the bottom of it all, I immediately called my husband and told him to come home. When I asked my husband about it, however, he surprised me by crying, and he said to me, “I’m sorry. Please give me another chance….” Those two words “I’m sorry” were in that moment like an icy knife plunging into my heart. I felt as though my heart had been ripped apart. It hurt so much…. Everything I’d done over the past few years was so that I could have a happy family. Never did I think that all I’d get in return would be my husband’s betrayal! I endured the pain in my heart and, crying, I asked him how he could do that to me. Choking with sobs, he said that he couldn’t stand the loneliness of working away from home and, when he saw that so many of his work colleagues had women on the side, he couldn’t resist the temptation anymore and…. In that instant, the first thing that entered my mind was divorce. But seeing my husband feeling so remorseful and beating himself up about it, I hesitated. If I really did divorce him, then my family would be broken up, and our daughters would also suffer…. I was in unendurable pain, as though a knife had carved up my heart, and I kept crying out over and over: “God, what am I to do?” I considered it for a long while. In the end, so that our daughters would not grow up in a broken family, I chose to forgive my husband. I asked him to go to…
By Zhang Jun Editor’s Notes: She went to a rich woman’s wedding, and after she got home, she was disgusted with her husband, and with the fact that her marriage lacked “bread.” Her relationship with her husband became difficult and gridlocked, and she lived in suffering. But then she discovered that although marriages with “bread” are glamorous, there is hidden sadness and pain behind them. She is suddenly enlightened, no longer complains about her husband, and realizes that her marriage is the best. How did she achieve this change? Read on to find out … One morning, a ray of sunshine shined into the house and painted the floor a golden color. Qianhui opened her eyes and stretched, but just as she was about to get out of bed, the phone rang. She picked up and heard her friend Lili on the other end of the line. “Qianhui, I’m getting married next Sunday, you have to come! …” When she heard the good news of her friend’s marriage, Qianhui was happy for her. She thought, “So many people tried to introduce a boyfriend for Lili, and all the men’s families had good backgrounds, but she was never satisfied. Now she’s getting married, so her husband’s family must be very well off.” On the day of Lili’s wedding, Qianhui woke up early to get dressed and do her makeup. She arrived at Lili’s house around 10, and when she walked in the door, she was shocked at the new house she saw, its wide living room, beautiful decoration, and fashionable, luxurious furniture…. The house could only be described as “magnificent.” The seed of admiration was planted in her heart: No wonder Lili got married! Her husband must be incredibly rich! Then, when Qianhui arrived at the wedding, she was even more shocked by the luxury on display: The wedding was held at a star-ranked hotel, the MC was the most famous host in the area, and all the cars in the procession were each brand’s most high-end models. As she took in what was before her, Qianhui was both envious and jealous. She couldn’t help but sigh and think, “In school, in both grades and looks, I was superior to Lili, but now, I’m lagging in every respect. Never mind the grandeur of the wedding, even the house I’ve lived in for years is still just a common bungalow. I could work all my life and still never live a life as luxurious as Lili’s.” Qianhui felt very lost, and she began to regret having simple standards when she first started looking for a boyfriend. She had only asked that her future partner be honest and that they be able to live a happy life together in the future, resulting in a careless search which produced a husband without the ability to earn money. If she could do it all over again, she thought, she would find a rich man with a house and a car. Well, it’s too late for that now. Qianhui shook her head helplessly. To keep herself from being immersed in sense of loss, she chatted with a few friends she hadn’t seen for a long time. But her friends were also showing off about their husbands’ work, income, family houses, cars…. Compared to her friends, Qianhui felt that she had nothing worth showing off. Qianhui’s self-esteem was seriously frustrated, and her mood fell. She couldn’t sit still anymore, so she simply ate and left in a hurry. When she got home, scenes of what she saw at the wedding floated through Qianhui’s mind. All her friends seemed to be doing better than she was. She didn’t have much money, didn’t have a car, and didn’t even have a condo unit in an apartment building, never mind the trappings of a luxurious life. The more she thought, the more aggrieved she felt. She thought she felt so lost now because her husband was incompetent. If her husband came from a family that was better off, or if he could make a lot of money, then wouldn’t she also have a house and a car, and a petty bourgeoisie lifestyle, and show off in front of her friends? The thought made everything she saw at home ugly to her, especially her husband’s clumsy honesty, weakness, and incompetence, which became infuriating to her. Whenever her husband did something that was the slightest bit displeasing, she found an excuse to lose her temper with him as a way to vent her dissatisfaction. Every time her husband saw Qianhui unhappy, he would try to comfort her. Although Qianhui knew her husband treated her well and let her have her way in everything, she always felt humiliated. She didn’t want to live such an ordinary life, where an escape from poverty seemed impossible. And so, her originally harmonious and comfortable family life was now spent quarreling. Gradually, Qianhui felt that her husband had changed. In the past, he came back from work and helped her with housework as he talked to her, but now he was cold to her. He started playing games on his phone whenever he had nothing to do, and he barely talked to her. His strange behavior made Qianhui even more frustrated. She thought, “It was humiliating enough to marry you, and now you treat me like this. I really can’t live like this!” The more she thought about it, the more aggrieved and miserable she felt. She didn’t know how to go on. Later, Qianhui accepted God’s last days’ gospel. She often went to meetings with her brothers and sisters to read the words of God. As she interacted with her brothers and sisters, she saw that everyone was very honest and kind. If anyone had difficulties or was confused, they could discuss things openly together and seek truth in God’s words. There was no superiority or inferiority between them, no one looked down on anyone else, and everyone helped, supported, and supplied each other. Everyone…
After her marriage, because her husband couldn’t earn much money and life was hard for her family, she repeatedly complained, quarreled with her husband, and even wanted to get a divorce. Later, in God’s word, she finally found the root of her pain, after which she no longer looked down on her husband, and her home became peaceful.
He suffered from frequent quarrels with his wife. Not until he found the solution from God’s words could he live harmoniously with his wife.
He suffered failure in blind date time after time and finally got married. Only after believing in God did he understand that marriage is preordained and controlled by God, and that he should learn to wait.
Marriage is predestined by God. When I am willing to obey God’s arrangements, I no longer despise my husband for his lack of ability and finally enjoy marital bliss.
No matter she tried to hold back or argue with her husband, the conflict in her marriage wasn’t resolved. But later she gained a happy marriage. How did she make it?
Why did his wife betray him? When he understood the root cause of it, he finally got over the pain brought by his wife’s affair.
Her experience tells us our life partner has been prepared by God long ago. So we should seek God’s will and obey God’s sovereignty and arrangements in marriage.
After a painful breakup, he lost confidence in life. It was God’s love that guided him to recover from it and regain the hope of life.
A true story: She was once filled with pain because her husband had an affair. But she totally gets over the pain of her husband’s affair and lives happily now!