An Awakening After Getting Cancer
My family was poor when I was young, and I lived a tough life and was often jeered and sneered at by my relatives and friends. From that point on, I made up my mind: I must make a lot of money and live a rich life in the future, so that others will look at me in a new light.
At the age of fourteen, I dropped out of school and worked in places far away from home to earn money. Several years later, I got married. As I worked overtime and stayed up late for a long time and was regularly exposed to chemicals, my health was badly influenced. So my husband asked me to have a rest at home. But my parents-in-law disliked me because I didn’t make money but stayed idle at home, saying that I was doomed to suffer from poverty all my life. Hearing their harsh words, I thought: “I must work hard to earn money and live a rich life. I’ll see who will still look down on me then.”
Afterward, I went to work in my sister-in-law’s restaurant. In the beginning, I worked as a waitress, food preparation worker, and then cook. The work of the restaurant was tiring and the salary was low, and I needed to get up early and go to bed late every day, so I could hardly endure it. But while thinking that I could open my own restaurant, earn a lot of money, and live a rich life after acquiring all the expertise, I would have the impetus to carry on.
Two years later, I quit my job and wanted to start my own business. But my husband did not support me. In order to make money, I secretly rented two storefronts. After all the equipment was installed, the restaurant opened up. The business at that time was brisk, and I, like a wound clock, kept working day and night. Sometimes I even had no time to have meals, and I often had a sore back because of the tiredness. However, while I thought that wads of money would come rolling in, an invisible power surged in my heart. I could bear it no matter how uncomfortable and tired I felt. My hard work paid off, and I bought a house and a car soon. I also had some savings, and could buy whatever I wanted. My parents-in-law also treated me different, they would satisfy me no matter what I required. I finally tasted the feeling of having money and being thought highly of by others. This made me feel that my hard work was well worth it.
However, I was dissatisfied with the status quo. In order to earn more money and have more people admire me, I planned to open chain restaurants and create my own brand. So, I not only needed to manage the business of the restaurants but also needed to broaden connections. I was awfully busy. At this time, my mother preached God’s kingdom gospel to me, but I thought: “I’m still so young and it’s the best time for me to earn money now. I don’t have time to believe in God.” So I refused her. After that, my mother came to preach the gospel to me several times, but I refused her on the excuse of being busy with work every time.
One day, I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and my private part bled badly. My head was dizzy and I felt weak all over. So I went to the hospital to have a check up, and the result showed that I got uterine fibroid. The doctor told me that it would be cured after an operation. Hearing the doctor’s words, I breathed a sigh of relief. I only wished to have the operation quickly so that I could go back to earn money. So, I immediately made an appointment with the doctor and planned to have the operation the next day. However, the operation was stopped when it was performed halfway. The doctor said that my condition was not good and that they needed to take the thing out for a biopsy in a large hospital. The doctor asked me to go home and wait for the result.
Half a month later, my husband went to the hospital for the test result. After returning home, he told me that the doctor asked us to go to the provincial hospital to have another check up. He also comforted me, asking me not to worry but to regard it as a trip. Hearing my husband’s words, I didn’t think much, and simply packed our luggage and went to the provincial city. My husband spent a lot of money making an appointment with an expert, and the result came out in the afternoon. The doctor said that I got cervical cancer. Hearing this news, I felt as though the heavens were falling and I seemed to sink into a bottomless abyss. I kept crying in my heart: “Good Heaven! I’m only 35 years old. I don’t want to die now! How come I got such a disease? At this time, desperation, fear, and helplessness all welled up in my heart. My husband comforted me with tears: “Dear, don’t worry! I’ll try to get your illness cured even if we have to surrender our last resources. Take it easy. It’s not as serious as you think.” However, I could not listen to him at all. I was unwilling to accept that my life was so miserable.
When we got to the hospital ward, the nurse on duty said, “There is no bed available until next month. Your treatment cannot be delayed. So you’d better go to other hospitals.” Hearing these words, I was disheartened. I felt very dizzy and fell beside my husband. My husband hurriedly held me and comforted me. I felt extremely painful in my heart, thinking: “I’m unable to be hospitalized even though I have money. What troubled world is this? I couldn’t help crying. Later, a professor told me, “Your illness is very serious and you must be hospitalized right away. You need to receive the chemotherapy two times. If the number of the cancer cells doesn’t decrease after that, you can only resign yourself to the Heaven’s will then.” While hearing this, I sighed with emotion: “How fragile man’s life is! I kept busy with my business, but in the end got cancer because of exhaustion. Can the money I earned buy my life?”
Since there was no bed available, I had to lie on the chair in the corridor to receive chemotherapy treatment. Several days later, because of the after effects of the drugs, I was very weak and felt feeble all over. My abdomen was swollen and painful and I couldn’t eat or defecate. My hair also fell out. Seeing that I was neither like a person nor a ghost, I felt very desperate in my heart. Thinking back to the time when I didn’t have the illness, in order to earn money, I was half dead with fatigue. Now, I had to endure the torment of disease. I really couldn’t bear such a blow, and thought that I’d rather die. At this time, my mother phoned me and kept comforting me, asking me to go to her house and saying that she had something very important to tell me.
After I returned home, my mother witnessed to me God’s kingdom gospel and asked me to read a passage of God’s words, “What is the source of the lifelong suffering from birth, death, illness, and old age that humans endure? What caused people to have these things? Humans did not have them when they were first created, did they? Where, then, did these things come from? They came into being after humans were tempted by Satan and their flesh became degenerate. The pain of human flesh, its afflictions, and its emptiness, as well as the extremely miserable affairs of the human world, only came once Satan had corrupted mankind. After humans were corrupted by Satan, it began to torment them. As a result, they became more and more degenerate. The diseases of humanity grew more and more acute, and their suffering became more and more severe. Increasingly, people sensed the emptiness and tragedy of the human world, as well as their inability to go on living there, and they felt less and less hope for the world. Thus, this suffering was brought down upon humans by Satan.”
After I read God’s words, my mother fellowshiped with me, “In the beginning, God created Adam and Eve. They lived a happy and carefree life in the Garden of Eden and enjoyed all the riches bestowed upon them by God, without the griefs and worries, or the birth, death, illness, and old age. Since we humans were tempted and corrupted by Satan, we have lived in the influence of Satan, losing the care and protection of God. Consequently, various kinds of illnesses come upon us, which causes us to live more and more painfully and helplessly. Only when we come before God and accept God’s salvation can we break free from the affliction of Satan and feel steadfast and peaceful in our heart.” Through my mother’s fellowship, I understood: Our life, age, illness, and death are all caused by the corruption of Satan. Thinking back upon these years, I ran about and worked for money, ignoring my health, so I got cancer. All these things resulted from the affliction of Satan. Afterward, my mother wrote down the prayer to me and taught me to pray, asking me to rely on and look up to God more, entrust my illness into God’s hands, and submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. She also gave me a book of God’s words.
Half a month later, I went to the hospital to receive the second chemotherapy treatment. Because of hair loss, I had an allergy and felt painful and itchy all over and I was agitated in my heart. Thinking that if the effect of the chemotherapy was not ideal this time, I would not be able to have the operation but only have to wait for death, I couldn’t help feeling fearful and uneasy. At this time, I thought of the book my mother gave me. Then I immediately opened it and saw a passage of God’s words which says, “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to fulfill your duty. Performing your role in God’s plan and in His ordination, you start your life’s journey. Whatever your background, and whatever the journey ahead of you, no one can escape the orchestrations and arrangements of the Heaven, and no one is in control of their own destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” From God’s word, I understood: Our future and destiny, life and death as well as blessings and curses are all controlled in the hands of God. We cannot dictate our own destiny. No matter how much money we have or how high our status is, we are unable to change our fate. Since my life and death are all in God’s hands, it’s of no use no matter how I feared death and felt nervous. It will only make me more and more miserable. Why don’t I commit my life into God’s hands? While I thought of this, my heart calmed down and I came before God and prayed: “O Almighty God! My life is controlled in Your hands. You know that I’m weak. But I’m willing to entrust my illness into Your hands. No matter whether I will live or die, I’m willing to submit to Your sovereignty and arrangements.”
After returning home from the hospital, I didn’t feel that uncomfortable and could eat and sleep, and my mental condition also got better. I felt that God was truly by my side, caring for me and protecting me, which made me have faith in God. Half a month later, I went to the hospital for an examination. The doctor told me, “The effect of the chemotherapy is good, and you can have the operation now.” At that time, I felt very happy, and kept thanking God in my heart, “O God! I thank You for Your wondrous protection, so that I have the chance to have the operation. O God! I’m willing to commit my operation into Your hands. May You rule over and arrange it.” Then, the doctor performed the operation on me. The operation was very successful and I could get up and walk the next day. The doctor told me on the third day, “The wound healed nicely. You can get out of the hospital a few days later.”
Returning home, I recovered quite well. After that, I went to the hospital to receive the chemotherapy several times more. I saw that my wardmates kept vomiting and suffered a lot because of the chemotherapy, but I didn’t suffer too much and felt calm in my heart. Thanks to God’s protection, the cancer cells had been brought under control and my condition also got better. Three months later, I went for another examination and found that the cancer cells disappeared completely. The doctor and the wardmates all said, “Your illness was cured so easily. It’s really a miracle. Have you taken any good medicine?” I said nothing but only smiled. I knew that this was all because of God’s care and protection. If it were not for God’s mercy, I wouldn’t have recovered soon.
Later, my mother brought brothers and sisters to my house to have meetings and fellowship God’s words with me. I began to live church life, feeling especially peaceful and joyful in my heart. One day, I saw that God’s words say, “People spend their lives chasing after money and fame; they clutch at these straws, thinking they are their only means of support, as if by having them they could live on, exempt from death. But only when they are about to die do they realize how distant these things are from them, how weak they are in the face of death, how easily they shatter, how lonely and helpless they are, with nowhere to turn. They realize that life cannot be bought with money or fame, that no matter how wealthy a person may be, no matter how lofty their position, all are equally poor and insignificant in the face of death. They realize that money cannot buy life, that fame cannot erase death, that neither money nor fame can lengthen a person’s life by a single minute, a single second.”
I saw that what God’s words revealed was exactly my true state. Thinking back to these years, in order to live a rich life and win back some dignity for myself in front of my family, I dropped out of school at an early age and worked hard to make money day and night. When I had bought a car and a house, I was not satisfied and still wanted to open more restaurants to earn more money. I kept busy every day like a money-making machine, and never took care of my health. Sometimes, I was tired and wanted to stop to have a rest, but my desire of getting money and fame and gain was too strong, so I was reluctant to waste the chance of making money. I had such manifestations and pursuits all because I was influenced and poisoned by the toxins that Satan had injected into us mankind such as; “Money isn’t everything, but without it, you can do nothing,” and “Money means everything.” This made me regard pursuing money as the most important thing and think that I would be admired by others and would have everything when I had money. However, when I suffered from cancer, I found that money and fame and gain could not be exchanged for my health, even less could they bring comfort to my heart and soul. Although I rejected God’s salvation time and again, God did not abandon me because of my disobedience. Rather, when I was most helpless and desperate I ever was, God arranged for my mother to preach His kingdom gospel to me again and He pulled me back from the verge of death, so that I had the privilege of coming before God and accepting His salvation. Now, I truly tasted God’s love and salvation.
I saw that God’s words say, “If people have a genuine understanding of God’s disposition, and can give heartfelt praise to His holiness and righteousness, then it means they truly know Him and possess the truth; only then do they live in the light. Only once a person’s view of the world and of life changes does one undergo a fundamental transformation. When one has a life goal and comports oneself according to the truth, when one submits absolutely to God and lives by His words, when one feels peaceful and illuminated to the depths of one’s soul, when one’s heart is free of darkness, and when one can live entirely free and unrestrained in God’s presence, only then does one lead a genuine human life, and only then has one become a person who possesses the truth.” God’s words pointed out the correct direction of life to me. In the past, I labored hard for money and suffered the tortures and afflictions of Satan terribly. Now, I understood that only the life of worshiping God is valuable and meaningful, and that I should no longer live by Satan’s laws of survival. In the following days, I read God’s words and lived a church life more actively, and also performed my duty as a created being in the church, testifying God’s love and salvation toward mankind to more people who were still living in darkness and pain. I felt especially peaceful and joyful in my heart. My mental condition got better and better and my faith of following God became greater and greater. Only then did I realize that only by following God can I live out a meaningful life. Thank God! All the glory be to God!
- Extended Reading:
- God Is With Me, I Fear Disaster No More