By Minyi, United States
Now, many brothers and sisters who truly believe in the Lord are distressed by sinning in the day and confessing in the evening. They want to cast off the bondage of sin but are powerless. I was once also in this condition, but now I have found the path to leaving sin behind and I am no longer troubled by it. So I want to communicate my experience with brothers and sisters.
When I was a middle school student, I was baptized to become a Christian. After getting married, I had a son and a daughter. Later, my husband started a restaurant, and I busied myself in it that I had no time to look after my children. Afterward, my daughter started to play games at night and didn’t do her homework; but in the daytime, she always dozed off in class. Her grades were slipping. I was often told by her teacher about her situation, so I frequently couldn’t help but bawl her out for this. Gradually, we were estranged. On another occasion, my son had a fracture caused by playing soccer and went into hospital, but I didn’t have time to take care of him at all because my husband cared nothing about the restaurant and counted on me to do everything of it. As a result, I was increasingly dissatisfied with my husband and often quarreled with him.
One time, during our quarrel, my husband said to me, “You call yourself a believer in the Lord! Should your believing in the Lord be like this?” Having heard his words, I was ashamed and thought: Yeah. I am a Christian. The Lord teaches us to love others as we love ourselves and forgive others seventy times seven, but whenever the words and actions of my husband or my children did not content me, I couldn’t restrain my anger and always got mad at them. Although I felt very guilty and regretful after that and constantly prayed to the Lord and confessed my sins, I still couldn’t control myself when such a matter happened again. I then thought that it is said in the Bible: “for he comes to judge the earth: with righteousness shall he judge the world, and the people with equity” (Psm 98:9). The Lord will come to judge all sinners, could such a person like me sinning in the day and confessing in the evening be qualified to enter the kingdom of heaven?
Afterward, our business gradually sank because the restaurant was not doing well. And even later, I had to borrow money to support our daily expenses and to pay the salaries of the clerks. I worried so much all day that I went without appetite and sleep. I couldn’t draw breath under various stress so that my temper became nastier. For this, I sought out my good sisters and the wife of our pastor in the church about how to put the Lord’s words into practice. Their answer was: “We will pray for you, and you should have faith in the Lord.” However, I developed doubts in my heart: Every day I asked in prayer before the Lord, but why could I not put the Lord’s words into practice? I felt extremely miserable because of the pressure of life and because I was withered up in my spirit. I was just like a deserted child and thus often sobbed at night: “O Lord! Where are You? I’m living in much pain. May You lead me …”
Later on, I became acquainted with Brother Liang on the Internet, who often communicated biblical the verses with me to console and encourage me. Once, Brother Liang asked me: “Do you think you have sin?” I answered, “I have no great sins but small sins that everyone has.” He went on saying: “Now that we have sins, then can we enter the kingdom of heaven?” His words made me silent: That’s right. Can we enter the kingdom of heaven if we are sinful? This is also the question confusing me all the time. Finally, the brother invited me to explore the question with brothers and sisters. Thinking that this question also made me perplexed, I agreed.
At the meeting, Brother Chen sent us two passages of scriptures: “Truly, truly, I say to you, Whoever commits sin is the servant of sin. And the servant stays not in the house for ever: but the Son stays ever” (Jhn 8:34–35). “But as he which has called you is holy, so be you holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be you holy; for I am holy” (1Pe 1:15–16). Brother Chen fellowshiped: “From the scriptures we can see that God is holy and it’s impossible for Him to allow the filthy and corrupt people to enter His kingdom? So He requires us to cast off the bondage of sin and get cleansed. Only when we no longer sin or resist Him can we enter His kingdom.” Hearing this, my heart sank. I thought: Yeah, why did I not notice these scriptures before? The Lord has said that only the holy people can enter His kingdom, and in that case, is there no hope for me who commit sins every day?
As I was pondering, Brother Chen sent me another passage of words: “Man was … forgiven his sins, but as for just how man was to be purged of the corrupt satanic dispositions within him, this work had yet to be done. Man was only saved and forgiven his sins for his faith, but the sinful nature of man was not extirpated and still remained within him. The sins of man were forgiven through the agency of the incarnate God, but this does not mean that man no longer has sin within him. The sins of man could be forgiven through the sin offering, but as for just how man can be made to sin no more, and how his sinful nature may be extirpated completely and transformed, he has no way of solving this problem. The sins of man were forgiven, and this is because of the work of God’s crucifixion, but man continued to live within the corrupt satanic disposition of old. This being so, man must be completely saved from his corrupt satanic disposition, so that his sinful nature may be completely extirpated, never to develop again, thus enabling the disposition of man to be transformed” (“The Mystery of the Incarnation (4)”). Brother Chen fellowshiped: “We can see from this passage that thedid the work of redeeming mankind through the crucifixion and saved us from sin. By His redemption, we can come before Him and enjoy the peace and joy blessed by Him, but our corrupt satanic dispositions within us are deep-rooted, such as arrogance and conceit, deceit and crookedness, selfishness and despicableness, and so on. Therefore, we still cannot help ourselves but sin and resist God. We notwithstanding have believed in the Lord, we still can pursue money and fame; in order to protect our personal interests, we still can tell lies and deceive others frequently; when seeing what others do don’t conform to our own thoughts, we still can often flare up; sometimes, we still can follow the evil trends and are always bound by sin, living in unbearable pain. Because we are corrupted too deeply by Satan and don’t have the strength to overcome sin, we are only freely fooled by Satan, living in the state of sinning in the day and confessing in the night. Just like Chinese chives of the ground, if not being uprooted, they will grow again after cutting them once. So, if we want to be thoroughly purified rather than bound by sin, we still need God to do a further step of work to completely dispel our corrupt satanic dispositions which are deeply ingrained. Only when we truly break free from the bondage of corrupt satanic disposition and have our dispositions changed, can we be eligible to enter God’s kingdom.”
I acknowledged the fellowship of Brother Chen very much. I also understood that the reason why we live in the condition of sinning in the day and confessing in the night is because our satanic nature has not been rid of. Well, where do these words the brother read come from? Why can it unravel our confusion? I’d never heard it. It seems not to be the words spoken by an ordinary man. Brother Chen said that it is necessary that God comes to do another stage of work. I was filled with curiosity for this and more looking forward to the next fellowship of Brother Chen.
Brother Chen then integrated some of the prophecies in the Bible, fellowshiped with us about the way of the Lord’s coming, saying God has become theand come down to the earth. Brother Chen said: “In fact, the Lord has returned. He has incarnated in human flesh and expressed words to do the judgment work in the last days. This is also fulfilling the prophecy in the Bible: ‘For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God’ (1Pe 4:17).” The Lord has returned! Has the Lord really returned? Has He incarnated to do the judgment work? Are the words Brother Chen read just now exactly the new words of God? I was really surprised and pleased. However, hearing he said judgment begins at the house of God, I couldn’t help but worry: Will the Lord judge us when He returns? I thought that I was unable to hold on to the teachings of the Lord and always sinned and rebelled against Him in the past, and in that case, would I not descend into punishment?
To let me understand how God actually does the work of judgment, Brother Chen read another passage of God’s words: “The ‘judgment’ in the words previously spoken—judgment will begin at the house of God—refers to the judgment God passes today on those who come before His throne in the last days. Perhaps there are those who believe in such supernatural imaginings as that, when the last days have arrived, God will erect a big table in the heavens, upon which a white tablecloth will be spread, and then, sitting upon a great throne with all men kneeling on the ground, He will reveal the sins of each man and thereby determine whether they are to ascend to heaven or be sent down to the lake of fire and brimstone. No matter what the imaginings of man, the substance of God’s work cannot be altered. The imaginings of man are nothing but the constructs of man’s thoughts and come from the brain of man, summed up and pieced together from what man has seen and heard. Therefore I say, however brilliant the images conceived, they are still no more than a drawing and are not able to substitute for the plan of God’s work. After all, man has been corrupted by Satan, so how can he then fathom the thoughts of God?”
The brother continued to fellowship: “Judgment is not, as we thought, that God will erect a table in the heavens, upon which will be spread with a white tablecloth, and then He will determine whether we are to ascend to heaven or be condemned to hell according to our actions. This is just our imagination. If God truly judges us in this way, based on our actions, none of us will be able to remain. Actually, God’s judgment is not to condemn our sins but to save us.” Listening to the brother’s fellowship, I felt astonished at what God’s words said. Aren’t these words saying me? My previous imagination was just that before the big white throne there will be a television on which is showing my sins of such-and-such a day. Ah! This is truly God’s voice. Only God can know my thoughts in my heart. But since the judgment before the big throne in the heavens is my imagination, then how does God do the judgment work?
Afterward, in response to my confusion, Brother Chen read a passage of God’s words to us again: “In the last days,uses a variety of truths to teach man, expose the essence of man, and dissect his words and deeds. These words comprise various truths, such as man’s duty, how man should obey God, how man should be loyal to God, how man ought to live out the normal humanity, as well as the wisdom and the disposition of God, and so on. These words are all directed at the essence of man and his corrupt disposition. In particular, those words that expose how man spurns God are spoken in regard to how man is an embodiment of Satan and an enemy force against God. In undertaking His work of judgment, God does not simply make clear the nature of man with just a few words; He exposes, deals with, and prunes it over the long term. These methods of exposure, dealing, and pruning cannot be substituted with ordinary words, but with the truth that man does not possess at all. Only methods of this kind are deemed judgment; only through judgment of this kind can man be subdued and thoroughly convinced into submission to God, and moreover gain true knowledge of God. What the work of judgment brings about is man’s understanding of the true face of God and the truth about his own rebelliousness. The work of judgment allows man to gain much understanding of the will of God, of the purpose of God’s work, and of the mysteries that are incomprehensible to him. It also allows man to recognize and know his corrupt substance and the roots of his corruption, as well as to discover the ugliness of man. These effects are all brought about by the work of judgment, for the substance of this work is actually the work of opening up the truth, the way, and the life of God to all those who have faith in Him. This work is the work of judgment done by God.”
The brother fellowshiped: “We can know from God’s words that in the last days, God does the judgment work through expressing His words, and uses the words to reveal our corrupt nature and expose our all thoughts and deeds. Through His words revealing, we realize that our nature is really too arrogant and too selfish, and see that we are so deplorably filthy that whatever we do we bring along our intentions and adulterations, merely to maintain our own fame and status. When God’s work doesn’t match our conceptions, we still complain to and resist God. Also, we live by satanic arrogant disposition in all respects and always stand in an eminent position lecturing people. Only when we see that we have been so corrupted by Satan as to no longer have the slightest likeness of a man, will we start to hate and curse ourselves. At the same time, in God’s words, we tasted God’s holy and righteous disposition and began to feel reverence for Him, willing to forsake our flesh and practice the truth to satisfy Him. The more we practice, the more we have the likeness of a man. These are all the effects of the work of judgment. Let us think about this: If God doesn’t do this step of work ofwhen He comes, how are we able to cast away our sin and be purified? How can we be qualified to enter the kingdom of heaven?”
Yes. In the past I always couldn’t restrain my anger toward my husband and children, and was thus distressed by being unable to break away from sin and living in the situation of sinning and confessing. I even more worried that the Lord will condemn me when He returns. Through Brother Chen’s fellowship today, I understood that the judgment of the Lord is not directly condemning man but expressing His words to reveal our satanic dispositions, to let us know and change ourselves. It’s for purifying and transforming us. The Lord really loves us too much! Such a person like me who always committed sin truly needs this salvation of God! Oh, it’s so great that I still have the chance to repent and change.
When the meeting was over, I was excited in particular: The Lord has returned indeed! I felt as if I was dreaming and couldn’t calm down for so long. Thinking back to what Brother Chen fellowshiped for the last two days, I was so touched and couldn’t help butwith tears: “O God! I have been too deeply corrupted by Satan and I’m not worthy of coming before You, but You should let me an unworthy man hear Your voice and welcome Your appearance when You return. You love me so. Now all my misery and stress of life are already not important, and the most important thing is that I have finally beheld Your return. I must read the words of Almighty God well in the future, seek to cast away my corruption, and live out a human likeness.”
After a period of investigation, I was sure that Almighty God is the Lord, and I was hungrier for God’s words. Afterward, I saw God’s words say: “Once a man has status, he will often find it difficult to control his mood, and so he will enjoy seizing upon instances to express his dissatisfaction and vent his emotions; he will often flare up into rage for no apparent reason, so as to reveal his ability and let others know that his status and identity are different from those of ordinary people. Of course, corrupt people without any status will also frequently lose control. Their anger is frequently caused by damage to their individual benefits. In order to protect their own status and dignity, corrupt mankind will frequently vent their emotions and reveal their arrogant nature.” It was then that I realized: It was my arrogant disposition that controlled me to blow up at my husband and children frequently. In the past, as long as the children didn’t obey me, I would scold them loudly; when my husband did something that didn’t conform to my will, I would quarrel with him. I always wanted them to act in accordance with my intentions but never listened to their thoughts or cared about their feelings. I then remembered that the Lord Jesus even washed the disciples’ feet. So, thinking of myself, am I not too arrogant?
After understanding this, when I got along with my husband and children and wanted to rage at them, I would realize my arrogant nature broke out again, and then consciously pray to God to quiet my heart, talk with them calmly, or ask what they thought in their hearts. When my daughter didn’t do her homework, I no longer scolded her loudly as before but slowly guided her and asked what difficulty she had. When I practiced like this, gradually, the relationship between my family and I improved greatly.
One day, my husband said to me: “Now, you seem not to be so fiery as before.” Having heard he said this, I couldn’t help but give thanks to God in my heart. Then I proudly said: “Thank God! It’s God’s words that changed me.” Seeing I have changed a little after I accepted God’s work, I feel that the judgment work of God in the last days is truly very meaningful and it can transform and purify us mankind indeed, which even more stir up my will to pursue the truth. Now I am no longer distressed by sinning in the day and confessing in the night, because I have had the path to casting off corrupt satanic dispositions. I believe that so long as I eat and drink God’s words well, focus on knowing my corrupt disposition and put the truth into practice, I can get cleansed and attainone day. Thank and praise Almighty God!
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